1 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,213 You should get one of these. 2 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,914 No. Thank you. 3 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,417 Do you even know what this is? 4 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,085 It is a fitness orb. 5 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,021 And it has completely changed my life. 6 00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,724 Forget everything you thought you knew 7 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,860 about ab workouts. Done. 8 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,128 This ab workout 9 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:32,965 is specifically designed to strengthen your core. 10 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,233 Sorry. 11 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,300 That's all right. 12 00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,202 Numerous health benefits. 13 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,341 Strengthens your back. 14 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,676 Better performance in sports. 15 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,445 More enjoyable sex. 16 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,980 You're not having sex. 17 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,452 Plus improves your reflexes. 18 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,455 See, I would've caught that. 19 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,857 Okay, you know what, uh, how much is that? 20 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,793 It's only 25 bucks. Wow. 21 00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,829 Um, okay. 22 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,939 Pam, could I see you in my office? 23 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,810 Today, we're having performance reviews company wide. 24 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,112 Last year, my performance review started 25 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,713 Last year, my performance review started 26 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:58,083 with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, 27 00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,219 and it ended with him telling me 28 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,087 he could bench-press 190 pounds. 29 00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,592 So I don't really know what to expect. 30 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,593 Pam, you're trustworthy. 31 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,594 Thank you. 32 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:08,594 And a woman. Oh no. 33 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,998 And I want you to listen to a voice mail from my boss. 34 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,701 Michael, it's Jan. 35 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,035 I guess I missed you. 36 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,037 I'll, uh, be there this afternoon 37 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,372 for performance reviews. 38 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,441 I hope it's understood 39 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,443 that that will be our only topic of discussion. 40 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,711 See you soon. 41 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,779 First impressions? 42 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,048 Uh, just off the top, 43 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,218 I think she'll be here this afternoon. 44 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,387 My boss is coming in today. 45 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,588 The lovely Jan Levinson-Gould. 46 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,457 Well, no Gould. 47 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,592 The Gould has been divorce. 48 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,694 Um, the awkward part 49 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,663 is that this is the first time 50 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,699 we'll be seeing each other since... 51 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,268 well... 52 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,403 Uh, it was really nothing. 53 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,438 We just sort of got caught up in the moment. 54 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,109 The vulnerable divorcee gives herself 55 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,378 to the understanding with rugged good looks 56 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,712 office manager. 57 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,181 Just, uh, 58 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:06,018 she didn't want it to continue for some reason. 59 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:07,753 We both didn't... I didn't want... 60 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,588 we both didn't want it to continue. 61 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,924 It was not professional. 62 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,326 Um, when people say something's mutual, 63 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:18,864 it never is, but this was mutual. 64 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,033 I guess I missed you. 65 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,869 I guess I missed you. 66 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,637 So she misses me. 67 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,173 She missed you. 68 00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:31,009 But then she goes on to say, 69 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,212 "That will be our only topic of our discussion." 70 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,446 That doesn't mean anything. 71 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,614 Those are just words. 72 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,649 I have one idea of what it means. 73 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,184 Okay. Yeah. What? What? 74 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,385 Well, I don't think you're going to be 75 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,255 very happy with this. Oh great. 76 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,825 All right, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. 77 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,194 Let's do your performance review. 78 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,096 Because she's conflicted. 79 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,564 She has to be professional, 80 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,268 but she's fighting feelings for you. 81 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,537 Ah. Why... That's great news. 82 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,906 That... that... Then why would... 83 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,307 why would I not like that? 84 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,576 Um, just cause that you work together, 85 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,646 and it might be awkward. Wow. Wow. 86 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,515 All right, let's listen to that again. 87 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,850 Michael, it's Jan. 88 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,352 I guess I missed you. 89 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:15,454 Oh, hey. 90 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,122 Listen, Jim. 91 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,424 Here's a little tip for your performance review. 92 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,993 Okay. 93 00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,228 Tell Michael that we should be stocking more 94 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,064 of the double tabbed manilla file folders. 95 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,866 We don't have double tabbed manilla files folders. 96 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,368 Oh yes we do. No, we don't. 97 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,702 Yeah, it's a new product. 98 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,504 So you should just suggest that to him, 99 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,339 and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. 100 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:36,008 Well, I'm not asking for a raise. 101 00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:39,811 I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. 102 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,613 Uh, that is so stupid. 103 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,615 What if he gives it to you? 104 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,051 I win. Ugh. 105 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,319 You know what, 106 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,788 I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. 107 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,922 I need to stay focused. 108 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,291 And I don't have to see you 109 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,659 tomorrow or Sunday. 110 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,926 Please don't call me, 111 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,194 and we'll see how things go on Monday. 112 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,898 Stupid. 113 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,000 Wait, wait. One thing. 114 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,337 Um, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? 115 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,005 Uh, duh. 116 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,840 Duh. 117 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,208 Today is Thursday. 118 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,943 But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. 119 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,745 And that's what I'll be working on 120 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,681 this afternoon. 121 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,716 Sometimes women say more in their pauses 122 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,484 than they say in their words. 123 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,420 Really. Oh yes. 124 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,221 Let's listen to it again. 125 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,557 And this time, really listen to the pauses. 126 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,359 God, Stanley, that's freakin' brilliant. 127 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,727 How do you know that? 128 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,562 Did you learn that on the streets? 129 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,097 Sorry. 130 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,566 Oh, it's okay. I did learn it on the streets. 131 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,268 On the ghetto, in fact. 132 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,603 No kidding. 133 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:41,106 It's all about my bonus. 134 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,010 Michael and Jan definitely made out. Oh. 135 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,012 Maybe more. Eck. 136 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,581 Oh, also it is Thursday, 137 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,949 but Dwight thinks it's Friday, 138 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,784 so keep that going. 139 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,152 Yay. 140 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,092 Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. 141 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:02,361 Stanley in the house, everybody. 142 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,662 Whoo! 143 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,197 Angela, your turn. 144 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,300 I actually look forward to performance reviews. 145 00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,035 I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. 146 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,737 And I enjoyed that quite a bit. 147 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:15,374 I really enjoy being judged. 148 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:20,212 I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. 149 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,513 Michael. Yeah. 150 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,348 Jan's on the phone for you. 151 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,251 Oh. Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. 152 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,654 Interesting. Jan is calling me. 153 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,657 Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. 154 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:33,825 Yeah. 155 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,993 Michael. 156 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,295 Jan, to what do I owe this pleasure? 157 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,798 I am returning your many calls. 158 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,967 Well, hello to you too. 159 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,102 Um, yeah, I was just, um, 160 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,971 I just wanted to get some closure 161 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,641 on what transpired between us at the meeting 162 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,277 we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. 163 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:58,150 No. No. We... we won't be discussing that, Michael. 164 00:06:58,152 --> 00:06:59,818 The only things I want to talk about 165 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,286 during your performance review 166 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,089 are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. 167 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,692 Well, surely this, uh, review 168 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,396 is a formality because of what happened, uh, 169 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,665 at our meeting in the parking lot of the Chili's. 170 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,334 Review is anything but a formality, Michael. 171 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,538 And, uh, I expect you to forget anything 172 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,274 that you think may have happened between us 173 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:25,677 and exhibit completely professional behavior. 174 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,778 Been thinking, about you. 175 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,146 Okay, that is an example 176 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,348 of completely unprofessional behavior. 177 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,417 I don't see how that's unprofessional. 178 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,418 Michael. 179 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:33,418 Yeah. 180 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:36,788 Are the cameras in there with you in your office? 181 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,290 No, they are not. 182 00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,760 Yes, they are. 183 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,065 That's my girlfriend. 184 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,669 I heard they made out and had sex. 185 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,138 I heard they just made out. That's it. 186 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:57,476 Well, I heard they made out... 187 00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,044 and had sex. 188 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,679 Don't talk about it. 189 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,114 Office romances are nobody's business 190 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,350 but the people involved. 191 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,654 Romances? 192 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,824 Pam, I have ideas on a daily business. 193 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,526 I know I do. 194 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,729 I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. 195 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,564 Um, is there any chance 196 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,733 that you wrote any of my ideas down 197 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,735 in a folder like a idea folder? 198 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,370 Sorry. 199 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,472 That's unfortunate. 200 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,908 How about the suggestion box? 201 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,209 There's tons of ideas in there. 202 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,444 What suggestion box? 203 00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,813 The suggestion box that I put out, 204 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,815 and people could put in suggestions anonymously. 205 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,817 Maybe there's prizes. 206 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,318 Oh, yeah. 207 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,554 I-I think I remember that from back when I first started. 208 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,622 Why don't you find it 209 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,490 and then tell people to get theirs... 210 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,591 Never mind. I'll tell them. 211 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,792 Hello, everybody. 212 00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,394 Yeah. Uh, attention, please. 213 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,829 Jan Levinson's coming 214 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,030 very soon. 215 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,431 And so we're going to have 216 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,400 our weekly suggestion box meeting. 217 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,537 So you can all get in your constructive compliments 218 00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,771 ASAP. 219 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,506 Don't you mean constructive criticism? 220 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,574 What did I say? 221 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,875 You said constructive compliments. 222 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:03,875 That doesn't make any sense. 223 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,579 Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment. 224 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,415 So maybe you should stop criticizing my English 225 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,651 and start making some suggestions. 226 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,119 Okay? 227 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,420 Hey, Dan, this is Jim. 228 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,556 It is about 11:15 and I wanted to know 229 00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,924 what you were up to tomorrow, 230 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,761 which is the 15th and that is a... 231 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,462 Saturday. Saturday. 232 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,498 So just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, 233 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,166 Saturday, for lunch. 234 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,968 Okay, talk to you soon. 235 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:38,443 Okay, bye-bye. 236 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,979 Would you please tell Michael that I'm here? 237 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:41,980 Sure. 238 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,015 Hi, Jan. How are you? 239 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,450 Hi, Michael. I'm good. How are you. 240 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,518 Good to see you. Nice to see you. 241 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,619 Okay. 242 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,755 Okay, why don't we just step into my off... 243 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,324 We're going to go in here. 244 00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:53,491 Can we please go into your office? 245 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,427 Right after you. 246 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,895 Après vous. 247 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,972 Oh, thank you. 248 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,139 It's nice to see you. 249 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,374 Nice to see you too, Michael. 250 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,475 Really? 251 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,643 Not like that. 252 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,511 Oh, well... 253 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,447 You know, Michael, I think I need to make 254 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,715 something clear right off the top. 255 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,883 I'm not going to discuss anything with you 256 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,852 other than Dunder Mifflin business. 257 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,554 All right. Period. 258 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:23,822 Do we understand each other? 259 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,156 Absolutely. 260 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,424 I'm a little confused 261 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,926 because first it's all like kissy kissy. 262 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,227 And then it's like all regret. 263 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,595 Because, oh, I regret that. 264 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,564 But wait, I'm still going to call you 265 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,600 but... but we're just going to talk business. 266 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,936 And I may come down there and fire you 267 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,471 if you don't do your job. 268 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:42,273 But what were we talking about when we first kissed? 269 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,142 Business. 270 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,644 So are you still in the middle 271 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,811 of the performance reviews then? 272 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,879 No, no, no. 273 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,947 I finished all of that. I'm very fast. 274 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,382 I'm not too fast. 275 00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:51,983 Not like wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. 276 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,852 But I do say thank you, ma'am. 277 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:57,689 I'm not like, wham, bam. 278 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,457 Not that there's anything wrong with wham, bam 279 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,659 if it's consensual. 280 00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:05,296 We're talking about office stuff. 281 00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:08,767 Can I ask you a question? 282 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:09,868 No. 283 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,102 This is a business question. 284 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,405 It's nothing personal. I promise. 285 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:14,539 Fine. 286 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,242 Are you wearing new perfume today? 287 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,578 How is that a business question? 288 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,313 Well, you're wearing it at the office. 289 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,015 And... It... 290 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,951 I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy. 291 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,720 Please don't smell me, Michael. 292 00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:34,492 Hey, Jim. Hey, how's it going? 293 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,660 Oh, my God. 294 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,062 Did you seed The Apprentice last night? 295 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,530 Of course. It's on every Thursday night. 296 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,864 So how can I miss it? 297 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,166 Can you believe who Trump fired? 298 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,333 No. That was unbelievable. 299 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,435 Who? Who was it? 300 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,469 Who did he fire? 301 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,670 You didn't see it? No. 302 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,205 I went out and got drunk 303 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,673 with my laser tag team last night. 304 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:49,874 Crap. 305 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,743 I never go out on a Thursday night. 306 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,211 What the hell was I thinking? 307 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,847 I don't understand... 308 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,616 Hold on. Sorry. 309 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,151 Yes, Pam. 310 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,320 Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. 311 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,955 I'm kind of in the middle of something. 312 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,457 I wish you wouldn't interrupt. 313 00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:06,825 You told me to buzz you 314 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:07,959 about the suggestion box meeting 315 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,094 when Jan was here. 316 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,229 I did not... not use those words. 317 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,264 Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting. 318 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,399 Is it happening right now? 319 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,834 No, it's in, like, 10 minutes. 320 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,102 Everyone's waiting in the conference room. 321 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,704 Great. Very good. 322 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,111 Why are we here? 323 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,646 Because I value your opinions. 324 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,881 Now I know a lot of you don't think 325 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,382 that I read your suggestions, 326 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,684 but I do. 327 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,185 I just sift through them every week. 328 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,288 And I really look and scrutinize 329 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,424 to see what you guys are writing. 330 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,327 Um, so let's just, uh, 331 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,394 read some of these suckers, okay? 332 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,529 All right. 333 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:45,930 Number one, what should we do 334 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,365 to prepare for Y2K? 335 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,901 What should we do to prepare for Y2K? 336 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,636 I thought you read these every week? 337 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,471 Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box. 338 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,039 That happens occasionally. 339 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,075 It happens occasionally. 340 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,577 And, um, so one down. 341 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,046 Next suggestion. 342 00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,615 We need better outreach 343 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,617 for employees fighting depression. 344 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,453 Okay. All right. Enough with the jokes. 345 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,688 Nobody in here is suffering from depression. 346 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,524 That sounds serious, Michael. 347 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,592 Oh. Okay. Well, yeah. 348 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,727 Who wrote it? Tom. 349 00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:17,428 Tom. Then it is a joke 350 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,064 because there is nobody in here named Tom. 351 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,734 Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. 352 00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,037 Tom. 353 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,775 Oh, that guy. That guy was weird. 354 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,910 All right, next suggestion. 355 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,578 Next suggestion. 356 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,713 Ar, badoo badoo. 357 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,615 You need to do something about your B.O. 358 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,185 You need to do something about your B.O. 359 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,821 Okay, now I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, 360 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,590 but it's more of a personal suggestion. 361 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,325 And it's not an office suggestion. 362 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,694 Far be it from me to use this as a platform 363 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,862 to embarrass anybody. 364 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:54,199 Aren't the suggestions meant for you? 365 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,733 Well, Toby, 366 00:13:55,735 --> 00:14:00,405 if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., 367 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:03,808 then I would say that that is a very poor choice of words. 368 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,376 Uh, Michael, 369 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,711 he wasn't inferring, he was implying. 370 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,413 You were inferring. 371 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,547 Was I, Creed? 372 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,383 Okay, well, you know what I am implying 373 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,086 is that when we're on an elevator together, 374 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,222 I should maybe take the stairs 375 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,290 because talk about stank. 376 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,658 Not that I would ever 377 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,926 say something like that in public 378 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,862 and I never have and I never will, 379 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,129 I just think it's something 380 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,799 that we should all be aware of, okay? 381 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,801 Now that we've learned this, 382 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,102 let's continue. 383 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,270 See, this is good. 384 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,504 We're learning, 385 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,706 and we're figuring some stuff out. 386 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,574 You need to do something about your coffee breath. 387 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,877 You need to do... Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, Dwight. 388 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,379 Okay, I don't think you people are grasping 389 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,716 the concept of the suggestion box. 390 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,252 Sometimes you talk to us real close. 391 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,888 Yeah? Is that hard for you? 392 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,223 All right. Well, when you have coffee breath, it's hard. 393 00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,926 Let's k... let's keep going. 394 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,061 Yup. 395 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,630 What do we have here? 396 00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:00,164 We have... 397 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,766 somebody's piece of gum. 398 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,434 Somebody put a piece of gum in there. 399 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,236 This is not a-a garbage can. 400 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,305 This is the future of our company. 401 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,308 This is not a place for gum, okay? 402 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,310 I don't want to have to read these tomorrow... 403 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,245 Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? 404 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,081 Yeah. What? No. All right. 405 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,384 Next suggestion. Next suggestion. 406 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,687 Don't... Okay, that's blank. 407 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,888 Don't... Just... 408 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,490 Don't sleep with your boss. 409 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,960 Do you think this is referring 410 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,528 to you boning Jan? 411 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,032 I can't... I can't... I don't understand why you're so upset. 412 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:34,032 All right, please sit down. 413 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,734 I'm going to sit over here. You're going to sit over there. 414 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,369 Let me ask you this. Please sit yourself down. 415 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,973 Let me ask you something. Where did you get your outfit? 416 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,277 You're gonna give me this raise. 417 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,113 I deserve this raise. 418 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:53,051 Yes. Yes! Yes! 419 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,252 Ha! 420 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,220 The least you can do 421 00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,056 is keep my salary consistent with inflation. 422 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,857 Kah-ah! 423 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,560 Yes! Why are you going to give me this raise? 424 00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,195 Why? 425 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,132 Because I'm awesome! 426 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,902 I am awesome! 427 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:13,004 I just don't understand 428 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,974 why you have to pretend like nothing happened. 429 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,608 Because nothing did, Michael. 430 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,577 I'm not going 431 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,912 to say anything more about it, 432 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,747 and I would advise that you do the same. 433 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,881 Look. 434 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,083 Michael. Oh my God. 435 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,250 I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. 436 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,086 Oh God. Were you guys making out? 437 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,088 No, Dwight. Come in. Great. 438 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,222 What do you want, Dwight? 439 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,624 I am ready for my performance review. 440 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,792 Okay. Great. 441 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,494 Your performance has been adequate. 442 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,862 You may leave. 443 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,297 Good-bye. 444 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,932 Is this how you've been conducting 445 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,333 all the reviews, Michael? 446 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,801 You want to talk now? Good. 447 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,136 Okay, Dwight, leave. 448 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,237 Uh, wait. 449 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,839 I would like to discuss my raise. 450 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,141 Why on earth would we give you a raise? 451 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,309 That is an excellent question. 452 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,944 Thank you for asking. 453 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:57,448 Let me bring up one word. 454 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,616 Dedication. 455 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,486 I have never... 456 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,954 been late. 457 00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:05,790 Also I have never missed a day due to illness. 458 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,726 Even when I had walking pneumonia. 459 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,029 I even come in on holidays. 460 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,463 You do? 461 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,664 How do you get in? 462 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,333 I have a copy of your key. 463 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,435 That's a serious offense. 464 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,137 That is a serious offense. Very serious. 465 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:22,140 As is toying with a man's heart. 466 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,975 Oh, Michael, for God sakes. 467 00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,077 I'd also further like to talk about my merits 468 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,412 in the workplace. 469 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,247 Okay, third wheel, why don't you do that? 470 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,082 For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky 471 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,250 for the whole office. 472 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,551 That was deer? Gross. 473 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,919 You liked it. Oh God. Did not. 474 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,120 Jan, have you ever had deer? 475 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,489 No. It's a delicacy. 476 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,957 And, you know what, it's an aphrodisiac. 477 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,325 So when we're done here, 478 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,161 you guys could go over to the Antler Lodge, 479 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,762 sample some deer, and talk about my raise. 480 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,097 What do you say, Jan? 481 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,498 Okay. Here's what I'm going to do. 482 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,033 I'm going to step outside, 483 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,368 collect my thoughts, 484 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,036 and I will return in about 10 minutes. 485 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,104 Okay, you just, uh, clear your head. 486 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,238 Thank you, Dwight. 487 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:56,941 Look. I know it's your job. 488 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,242 I know you have to ask. 489 00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,477 But I promise you, 490 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,145 I'm not going to discuss it with him. 491 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:02,980 I'm certainly not going to discuss it with you. 492 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,982 Do you have a light? 493 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,117 And in conclusion, 494 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,386 I think Lex Luther said it best 495 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:12,323 when he said, "Dad, you have no idea 496 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,524 what I'm capable of." 497 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,926 That's from Superman? 498 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,060 Smallville. 499 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:20,198 And that is why I feel I deserve 500 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,632 this raise. 501 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,905 Do you think Michael and Jan actually... 502 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,407 I don't really want to picture it, 503 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,675 but thank you, Pam. 504 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:33,377 How do you come back from that? 505 00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:37,081 Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. 506 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,250 Especially working together. 507 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,751 No, I mean, doing that with Michael. 508 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,520 How do you come back from that 509 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,788 as a human being? 510 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,524 Oh. Yeah. No. I don't think you can. 511 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,092 I'm heading back 512 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,393 to New York. 513 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,395 Allan and I will conduct your performance review 514 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:52,897 over the phone tomorrow, okay? 515 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,098 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 516 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,400 No, no. I just... I just want to know why. 517 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,403 Michael, now is not the time or the place. 518 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,939 Okay. So you're saying that there is a different time 519 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,574 or place that we can have this discussion. 520 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,843 No, I am saying we are never gonna have this conversation. 521 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:09,080 Well, okay. Never as in never ever ever? 522 00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,748 Or never as in there's no chance? 523 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,151 Never for me always means never ever ever. 524 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,353 I just want to know from the horse's mouth 525 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,089 what is the dealio. You know, Michael... 526 00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,958 Am I too short? Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay? 527 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,360 It's your personality. 528 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,461 I mean, you're obnoxious 529 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:27,064 and rude and... and... and stupid. 530 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,733 And you do have coffee breath 531 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,901 by the way. 532 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,403 And... and I don't agree about the B.O. 533 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,640 But you are very, very inconsiderate. 534 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:36,641 Really? 535 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:37,842 Really. 536 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,010 You're... you're... you're... 537 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,611 you're a great guy, okay? 538 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,480 I appreciate that. Thank you. 539 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,781 You were very sweet. 540 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,417 And you stayed up with me and talked to me 541 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,452 and cried with me and I appreciate that. 542 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,854 No, I wasn't. 543 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:50,988 I wasn't crying. 544 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,024 But I am just not in the place right now 545 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,026 where I'm looking for a relationship. 546 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,527 So we can still work together, 547 00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,097 we can still be friends, but... 548 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,099 Okay? 549 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,937 So my looks having nothing to do with it. 550 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,578 Jan is not in a place where she feels 551 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,446 she can have a relationship right now. 552 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:19,150 And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. 553 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,851 And that is all I needed. 554 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,988 I'm good. I can go home now. 555 00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:35,700 Hey, it's 12:20. Where the hell is Dwight? 556 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:38,169 Um, no idea. 557 00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,905 Never missed a day my ass. 558 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,751 I'm here! I'm here! 559 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,555 I'm here! It's okay!