1 00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:01,967 Nothing much. What's up with you? 2 00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,268 I cannot believe I feel for that. 3 00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:05,504 Gosh. 4 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,272 Ha ha. What? 5 00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,274 What? Where's the funny? 6 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,276 Give it to me. 7 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:15,481 Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here? 8 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:16,582 What's updog? 9 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,451 Nothing much. What's up with you? 10 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,687 Oh, wow. 11 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,156 I walked right into that. 12 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,759 Oh, that's brilliant. 13 00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,994 Hey, Stanley. Is that jacket made of updog? 14 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,963 I'm on the phone. 15 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,500 Mm! 16 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:37,202 What flavor coffee is that, updog? 17 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,504 What's that? 18 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:41,273 I don't know. Nothing. What's up with you? 19 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,842 Huh? No. Damn it. 20 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,477 What does that mean? 21 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:46,478 What does what mean? 22 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,780 That thing you just said. 23 00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,181 Just forget it. 24 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,582 Dwight. 25 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:51,917 Hey, is it me, 26 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,620 or does this place smell like updog? 27 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:55,621 What's updog? 28 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,189 Gotcha! 29 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,991 Oh, God! 30 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,759 Crap. 31 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,597 Nothing. How are you doing? 32 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,067 Good. How are you doing? 33 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,035 Mm. 34 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:54,146 Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder-Mifflin. 35 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,448 And yes, I know it's January. I am not an idiot. 36 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,017 But if you do your spring cleaning in January, 37 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,220 guess what you don't have to do in the spring? 38 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,755 Anything. 39 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,158 They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. 40 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,627 Well, I say an empty desk means an... 41 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,028 Empty mind. 42 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,296 No, that's not... No. 43 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,465 That's not what I was gonna say. 44 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,300 Meredith, men's room. 45 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,469 Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. 46 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,604 They're worn down. 47 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,806 Kevin, file drawers. 48 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,575 Angela, kitchen. 49 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,111 Oscar, dusting. Where is Oscar? 50 00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,279 He's out sick. 51 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,481 That's unacceptable. 52 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:33,485 I agree. It's unacceptable. 53 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,925 What are you guys doing? 54 00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,428 Michael. - Yes. 55 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,500 Oscar is out sick. 56 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,170 On a Friday? 57 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,210 - Can I do some of the talking? - I will do the talking. 58 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,378 Okay, let him know that I'm here though. 59 00:02:59,380 --> 00:02:59,378 Hello? 60 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,281 - What difference does it make whether you're here? - Hello? 61 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,849 Hi, Oscar, it's Michael. 62 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,617 And Dwight. 63 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,653 Yeah, um, heard you were under the weather. 64 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,688 Yeah, I think I came down with the flu. 65 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,090 Really. Oh, that is a shame. 66 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,159 You know, it's cleaning day here today. 67 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,628 Could've used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic. 68 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,964 Yeah, I feel terrible about it. 69 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,599 Ask for his symptoms... I'm on WebMD. 70 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,701 What are your symptoms? 71 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,103 I have the chills, I'm feeling nauseous, 72 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,005 and my head's killing. 73 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,676 Checks out. 74 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,377 Michael, is there anything you need from me? 75 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,712 I would like to go back to bed. 76 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,981 I need you to go to bed. I need you to get better. 77 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,050 See you Monday, unless you're still sick. 78 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,518 So, have a great long weekend. 79 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,521 I'll just be sleep... 80 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,989 Okay, first impressions. 81 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,424 He sounded sick. 82 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,658 Which is exactly how you'd want to sound 83 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,260 if you wanted someone to think you were sick. 84 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,795 That's exactly what I was thinking. 85 00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,964 Question, may I investigate? 86 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:55,834 Yeah, drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. 87 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,437 Because an office can't function efficiently 88 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,907 unless people are at their desks doing their jobs. 89 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,242 I bought my veil. 90 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,477 Oh, my God, that is so exciting. 91 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,545 Can I be a bridesmaid? 92 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,847 Um... 93 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,148 Listen, you don't have to answer now, 94 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,617 but how are you gonna do your hair? 95 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,720 Okay, I was thinking about wearing it down. 96 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,489 Kinda like, I don't know, like... 97 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,857 loose with big curls. 98 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,827 You look like an angel. I'm seriously gonna cry. 99 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,129 Wowie. Mikey likey. 100 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,265 Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time? 101 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:30,102 It's much sexier. 102 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,571 Man, this must be torture for you. 103 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,275 Yeah, on the booze cruise, 104 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,877 I told Michael about some feelings 105 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,879 I used to have for Pam. 106 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,516 I had just broken up with Katie, and had a couple of drinks, 107 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:49,454 and I confided in the world's worst confidant. 108 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,258 Okay. 109 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,860 Hey, Mike. 110 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,094 Hey, Jim bag. 111 00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,632 Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? 112 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,934 That was personal. 113 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,103 So, if we could just keep that between you and me, 114 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,305 that would be great. 115 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,839 Really? Mm-hmm. 116 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,107 Who else knows? 117 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,509 Nobody. 118 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,277 Wow. 119 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,745 Jim and I are great friends. 120 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,547 We hang out a ton. 121 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,349 Mostly at work. 122 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:20,118 But the fact that he told me his secret and no one else, 123 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,121 says everything about our friendship. 124 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,758 And it is why I intend on keeping that secret 125 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,493 for as long as I possibly can. 126 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,564 Bangles. 127 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,633 All right, great, thank you. 128 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:45,077 Listen, temp, I am conducting a little investigation. 129 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:48,313 So, I am no longer gonna be able to head up spring cleaning. 130 00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,715 Do you think you can handle it? 131 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,083 Yeah, I think I can handle it. 132 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:54,686 Do you think, or do you know? 133 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:58,557 I think. 134 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:02,194 Oh, God. Here. 135 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,197 Hey, whatcha getting? 136 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,565 I'm going with grape. 137 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,334 Ah, good stuff. Good stuff. 138 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,702 Yup. 139 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,137 See the game last night? 140 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,705 Which game? 141 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,540 Any of 'em. 142 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:19,644 So, uh, what's the 4-1-1? 143 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,947 Any updates on the "P" situation? 144 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,382 I don't know what you mean... 145 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,517 P-A-M... P-A? 146 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,085 Okay. 147 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,220 No, it's okay. We're talking code. 148 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,421 Well... What is? 149 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,889 Listen, Stan... how long does it take you 150 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,124 for you to pick out a soda? 151 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,792 I'm gonna take off, actually. 152 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,560 All right, well. Cool. 153 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:38,897 Still deciding? 154 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,265 Hmm? 155 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,902 Peach iced tea. 156 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,471 You're gonna hate it. 157 00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,274 Hey, Oscar, how you doing? Dwight Schrute calling. 158 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,176 Listen, little question for you, buddy. 159 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,246 I called six minutes ago, and no one answered. 160 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,115 So I was wondering if you could expl... 161 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,850 Oh, I see. 162 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,820 So, sounds like you're too sick to come into work, 163 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,122 but you're well enough to go to the pharmacy. 164 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,159 There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. 165 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,429 The liar will avoid direct eye contact. 166 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:15,000 The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand. 167 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,068 Especially the mouth. 168 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,371 The liar will perspire. 169 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,108 Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone. 170 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,410 So none of this is useful. 171 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:33,518 It's grrrrape soda. 172 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,387 Tony the Tiger, you don't hear that much anymore. 173 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,688 Not so much. 174 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,190 Okay, what is going on here? 175 00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,958 Nothing. 176 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,660 Oh, really, nothing? 177 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,061 Fact, you are drinking grape soda. 178 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,330 You never drink grape soda. 179 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,532 Fact, you are talking to Jim, you never talk to Jim. 180 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,968 Fact, I love grape soda. I always have. 181 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,103 Fact, Jim and I talk all the time. 182 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,272 We tell each other secrets. 183 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,807 Okay, so what is the secret, Michael? 184 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,009 Um, I had asked Michael 185 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,445 if I could head up the Oscar investigation, 186 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:04,015 and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling 187 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,651 such sensitive material. 188 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:09,955 Is that true? 189 00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:12,858 Um... 190 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:18,396 I-I don't know. Uh, yeah, yeah, it is. 191 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:22,033 Thank you, Michael. I know you're telling the truth. 192 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,869 Okay. I can tell. 193 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,804 I won't let you down. 194 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,873 Good. Thanks. 195 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,879 Nice, that was... that was slick. What're you doing for lunch? 196 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,214 I don't know, I'm probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese 197 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,349 sandwich in the break room. 198 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,351 Oh, nonsense. No way, no. 199 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,819 Why don't, uh... 200 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,988 Why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat. 201 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,589 Uh, no, that's all right. Thank you, though. 202 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,024 It's... I gotta do some cleaning. 203 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,325 I should probably stick around here. 204 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,894 Hey, you know what we could do? 205 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,161 Spread out a blanket in the break room, 206 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,899 have a little picnic, order some 'za. 207 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,333 Talk about you-know-who. 208 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,736 Oh, um, nope. You know what, let's go out. 209 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:58,870 That was a good idea. 210 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:04,376 - Let's go out. - I know just the place. 211 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,445 Oh, man. You should order milk. 212 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,980 Get it? 213 00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,050 Why do I like Hooters? 214 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,320 Well, I will give you two reasons. 215 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,455 The boobs and the hot wings. 216 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,327 Oh, here we go. Here we go. 217 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,762 Bogie at three o'clock. Hi. 218 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,031 Hey, I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters. 219 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,101 We're not worthy. We're not worthy. 220 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,836 Hello, Dana. 221 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,739 I am Michael, and this is Jim. 222 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,107 And we are brothers. 223 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,076 Nope. We're not brothers. 224 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,011 I'm his boss, actually. And I treat him well. 225 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,647 I'm taking him out to lunch because I can afford it. 226 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,382 And he can have whatever he wants. 227 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,318 I'll just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks. 228 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,552 And for you? 229 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,788 Tell me, Dana. How is your chicken breast? 230 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,222 Oh, it's great. 231 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,824 It's served with our world-famous wing sauce. 232 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,894 Mm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast. 233 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,062 Hold the chicken. 234 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,865 Is that what you really want? 235 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,071 No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hotdog. 236 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,138 Great. 237 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,945 Who took all the black ones? 238 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,413 That's a communal bowl. 239 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,249 So, how did Oscar sound when he called in? 240 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,152 Sick. Like, lots of sniffling. I don't know. 241 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,088 Sniffling how? 242 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,657 Um, how many different ways are there to gonna sniffle? 243 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:26,925 Three. 244 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,427 Okay, it was the second one. 245 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,929 Okay, good. Thank you. 246 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,330 That wasn't so hard, now was it? 247 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,165 Mm-mm. 248 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,472 What do you like best about Pam? 249 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,073 Oh, I really don't wanna talk about it. 250 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,175 Her legs or boobs, or...? 251 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,746 Um, she's easy to talk to, I guess. 252 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,382 And, uh, she's got a really good sense of humor. 253 00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,183 Really? Mm-hmm. 254 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,518 She never gets any of my jokes. 255 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,321 What about you? 256 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,756 Her boobs, definitely. 257 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,492 Wow, that's not what I meant. 258 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,793 - Here you go. - Oh, thank you. 259 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:02,861 And I understand, 260 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,663 We have a birthday today. 261 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,832 - Oh, happy birthday, Jim. - Ready, girls? 262 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,212 Thank you. 263 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,480 Whoo! Yeah! 264 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,082 Thanks. Thanks, Dana. 265 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,718 Thank you very much. 266 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:27,786 Whew. 267 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:30,889 That was hilarious. Hey. 268 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,857 What did you guys talk about? 269 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,461 Just, you know, politics. Literature. 270 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,729 I hate you. 271 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,566 Quick Oscar update. 272 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,368 I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office... 273 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,170 Just go to his house and see if he's sick. 274 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,337 I could've done this investigation in, 275 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,505 like, 20 minutes. 276 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,606 Including prep time? 277 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,741 Just do it. 278 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:58,750 If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds 279 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,186 and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. 280 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,322 And I'd forget too. 281 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,902 Expense this. 282 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,003 Michael, is that a wig? 283 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,706 No, it's... 284 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,242 I wear it like that sometimes. 285 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,643 Is that a wig? 286 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,212 This is from Hooters. 287 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,013 Yeah, it was a business lunch. 288 00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,181 Did Toby approve this? 289 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,316 No, he did not. 290 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,051 I don't need his permission. 291 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,153 They just just got your corporate credit card back. 292 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,921 Do you really want me to take it away again? 293 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,490 It's ridiculous. 294 00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:39,924 They took my card away 295 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,427 because I spent 80 bucks at a magic shop. 296 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,463 What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff 297 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,398 to impress potential clients. 298 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,034 So business-related, right? 299 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,837 I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter. 300 00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,272 And you know what, Toby? 301 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,840 They almost bought from us. 302 00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,542 I'm not processing this. 303 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,478 Look, Jim needed a relaxing lunch. 304 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,913 He has been depressed. 305 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,915 And it has been affecting his productivity. 306 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,283 How is that not work-related? 307 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,885 He seems fine to me. 308 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,419 You're not his friend. You don't know. 309 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,456 He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. 310 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,958 So just cut me some slack, please. 311 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,393 Pam? 312 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,870 Hey, Angela, who would you choose? 313 00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,105 Jim or Roy? 314 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,606 It's nobody's business, Phyllis. 315 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,243 Roy. 316 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,013 Jim has got it bad for Pam. 317 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,482 Oh-ho. Which one is Pam? 318 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,684 Well, she di... 319 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,386 Hey, Michael? Hmm? 320 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,922 So do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding? 321 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,357 You know what, Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine. 322 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,360 So the only people that this crush really concerns 323 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,296 is Jim and Pam... and me. 324 00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,333 As a volunteer sheriff's deputy, 325 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,302 I've been doing surveillance for years. 326 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,003 One time, 327 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:02,006 I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. 328 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,409 So I tailed her for six nights straight. 329 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,711 Turns out she was. 330 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,714 With a couple of guys, actually, so. 331 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,818 Mystery solved. 332 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:18,156 Jim, why didn't you tell me that you had a crush on Pam? 333 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,326 Well, the cat's out of the bag. 334 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,728 I used to have a crush on Pam. 335 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,664 And now I don't. 336 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,167 Riveting. 337 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,403 Yeah. 338 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,038 No, it's not. 339 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,173 Nice. 340 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,843 She is so hot. 341 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,216 Hey. Hey. 342 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,652 Did you find anything good in your desk? 343 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,654 Uh, coupon for a free sandwich. 344 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,823 - Score. - Expired in August. 345 00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,058 And my cell phone charger from two years ago. 346 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,195 Big day. Big day. 347 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,397 Hey, uh, listen. 348 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,700 Um... 349 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:08,172 I told Michael on the booze cruise... 350 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,807 So stupid. 351 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,209 Um... 352 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:17,015 I told Michael that I had had a crush on you 353 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,717 when you first started here. 354 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,619 Oh. 355 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,255 Well, I just thought that... 356 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,091 I figured you should hear it from me. 357 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,662 Rather than, I mean, you know Michael. 358 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,597 Right. 359 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,433 And... seriously. 360 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,169 It's totally not a big deal. 361 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,504 Okay? 362 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,608 And when I found out that you were engaged, I mean... 363 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,576 No, I... I know. 364 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,513 Like, I kind of... Like, I... 365 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,014 I thought that maybe you did. 366 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,250 - When I first started. - Oh, you did? 367 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,452 No, I mean, just 'cause we, like, got along so well. 368 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,653 No, I know, yeah. 369 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:56,988 You saw through me. Great. 370 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,993 So are you gonna be, like, totally awkward around me now? 371 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,261 Oh, yeah. 372 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,562 Yeah. 373 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,799 Hope that's okay. Mm-hmm. 374 00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,236 And Pam. 375 00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,472 It was, like, three years ago. 376 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,242 So I am totally over it. 377 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,278 Cool. 378 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,246 Okay. 379 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,128 This is it. There he is. 380 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,430 He's been gone for at least two... 381 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,099 Who is that? 382 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,467 Come to Papa. 383 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,470 I got it. Close that. You got those. 384 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:49,007 Oh, yes. Oh, nice. 385 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,341 Let's roll. 386 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,110 I knew it! 387 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,817 Oh, man, you are so busted. 388 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,787 Ice-skates. Shopping bags. 389 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,690 I think I know what's going on here. 390 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,458 You weren't sick at all. 391 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,293 Who's this? 392 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,596 This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this? 393 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,132 Gil. 394 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,500 Are you going to tell Michael? 395 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:16,968 How 'bout this? 396 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,404 I don't tell Michael, and in exchange, 397 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,540 you owe me one great, big, giant favor 398 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:27,445 redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing. 399 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:31,349 Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? 400 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,318 He was lying about being sick. 401 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,954 Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance? 402 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,723 Hmm, probably. 403 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,626 But know I know something he doesn't want me to know. 404 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,828 So I can use his malfeasance 405 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,630 to establish leverage. 406 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,965 Otherwise, it's just malfeasance 407 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:51,502 For malfeasance's-s sake. 408 00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:54,806 Hey. 409 00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:57,642 I know. I know, I know. 410 00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,744 Um... 411 00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:01,813 What happened? 412 00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,281 I... oh. 413 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,750 Just, um, you know, 414 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,919 I was trying... just the expense reports. 415 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,755 And then... God, Toby, you know? He just... 416 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,924 I know. I just... 417 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,992 I just hope that... 418 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:19,197 Oh, I just hope that this doesn't affect our friendship! 419 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:24,368 It's stupid. It's so stupid. 420 00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,770 Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. 421 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,539 Listen, man, it's... 422 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,409 You know, it's not a big deal. It's gonna be fine. 423 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,211 No, I know. I'm good, I'm good. 424 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,278 It's just... 425 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,382 Look, it's one day. Everything's gonna be all right. 426 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,917 - Yeah, okay. - You good? 427 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:43,020 Yeah, I'm good. Okay. 428 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:46,524 Creed, did you organize the menu book? 429 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,893 Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis. 430 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,063 No. That was mandatory. 431 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,799 Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing. 432 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:03,207 Hey, here's your schedule for next week. 433 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:04,775 Are you okay? 434 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,711 Yeah, I'm fine. Look. 435 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,446 About you and Jim... 436 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,847 Oh, no, that's... You don't have to... 437 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,316 No, I just feel it's my responsibility 438 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,051 as your boss-slash-friend... 439 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,686 No, it's really... it's okay. 440 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,688 Um, I know that Jim had, like, a crush on me 441 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,023 when he first started. 442 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,225 But that was a long time ago, so... 443 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,695 It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise. 444 00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,166 Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, 445 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,067 or he told you about it on the booze cruise. 446 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,504 Um... okay. 447 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,541 Shut it, Michael. I'm done. 448 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,377 That's it, I'm out. 449 00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:45,283 - Ready? - Yup. 450 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,191 People are always coming to me. 451 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:57,328 "Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust." 452 00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,665 No, thanks, because keeping a secret 453 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,634 can only lead to trouble. 454 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,771 Like, I was watching Cinemax last weekend, this movie. 455 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:11,742 Portrait of a Prostitute. 456 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:15,913 Something... Secrets of a... More Secrets of a Call Girl. 457 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,115 And the lead character, Shila, 458 00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,550 is framed for murder. 459 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:24,355 Goes on the run, and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. 460 00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,793 I don't... I don't wanna live like that. 461 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:29,860 I like it here. 462 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,764 I don't wanna be Shila. I like being Michael Scott.