1 00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:05,571 What? 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,439 Oh, nothing. 3 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,844 Pam's on vacation, and she gets back tomorrow. 4 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:14,880 So, it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice. 5 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:18,283 And, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. 6 00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,019 Uh, June. Summer. 7 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,421 So, that'll be nice. 8 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,723 And that's that. 9 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,360 What? 10 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,462 Oh, nothing. 11 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:37,036 Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. 12 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,571 I would be creeped out by it, 13 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:43,108 but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me. 14 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,954 Spamster. 15 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:33,826 Um... Pam, plus Spam, plus... 16 00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,327 Hamster. Right. 17 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,528 Welcome back. How was your vacation? 18 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,529 It was great. 19 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,997 Yeah? Did you get lucky? 20 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,567 Oop! Boink. 21 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:44,303 Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. 22 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,738 I get ten vacation days a year. 23 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,309 And I try to hold off taking them for as along as possible. 24 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,846 And this year I got to the third week in January. 25 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:56,615 I am Pam. 26 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,484 Spicoli guy. 27 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:01,053 Oh, God. 28 00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,721 He needs numbers. Okay. 29 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,791 Whoa! God! Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck. 30 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,126 What? Yuck! Wow! 31 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,594 What happened in there? 32 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,429 I don't know. There is stink in there. 33 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,331 My God. 34 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,966 What is that? 35 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,200 Oh, I don't know. 36 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,335 Is that a bird? 37 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,336 I don't think it's a bird. 38 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,438 Oh, God, how could that happen? 39 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,706 How could... 40 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,141 Right in the middle of the carpet. 41 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,375 What's going on? 42 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,110 Uh, somebody vomited right in the middle 43 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,712 of the carpet in my office. 44 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,647 I don't think that's vomit. 45 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,648 Check it out. 46 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,716 Me? 47 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:31,783 Check it out. 48 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,654 Don't be a wuss. Just get... 49 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,122 No, I'm not holding your coffee. 50 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:39,024 Tell me what it is. Oh, that's a real bitch. 51 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,592 What is it? 52 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,128 Michael. What is it? 53 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,463 No, just tell me what it is. 54 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,098 Michael, I gotta get outta here. 55 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,100 I can't hold my breath that long. 56 00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:50,202 Open the door up. 57 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,004 It smelled terrible. 58 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,911 Oh! Phew! 59 00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:00,445 Oh, no. Mmm-mmm. 60 00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:04,716 I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that there. 61 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,385 That's no burst pipe. Well, how do you know that? 62 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,419 What is it then? 63 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:10,189 Hey, guys. Somebody making soup? 64 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,860 Here she comes. 65 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,030 All cleaned? Great. 66 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,066 Too stinky. 67 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,434 That is worse. 68 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,671 She probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet. 69 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,539 Total permeation. 70 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,008 I am a big Fear Factor fan. 71 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,011 Um, I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually. 72 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,615 So, this is sort of like my audition tape. 73 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:40,686 Um... 74 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,754 I can't stand it. 75 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:47,125 I can't stay in here another second. 76 00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:51,263 - Hey, welcome back. - Thanks. 77 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,899 So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot? 78 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,400 A little. 79 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,604 Good. 80 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,439 What's going on in here? 81 00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:05,344 What? I did not do that. 82 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:07,779 That sounds disgusting. 83 00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,515 It wasn't me. 84 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,353 Um... it wasn't me. 85 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,921 It was not me. 86 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,990 Oh. 87 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,559 Wow. 88 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,600 Hey, Jim, I thought that we would be desk buddies 89 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,036 while they change my carpet. 90 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:34,206 That might be a little difficult with the one computer. 91 00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:35,674 Oh. 92 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,709 But there's definitely a desk open in the back. 93 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,344 Yeah... 94 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,881 Which I guess I'll be taking. 95 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,750 No, no, no, seriously. I don't mind sharing. 96 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,286 No, no, no. Seriously, I'll be in the back. 97 00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:52,724 Hey, Kelly. 98 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,760 Are you moving back here? 99 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:58,196 Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk. 100 00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,931 Because Toby used to sit there. 101 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,868 But then he had to move over there because of an allergy. 102 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:06,438 Allergy to... the desk? 103 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,973 Weird. 104 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:12,678 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ol' bullpen. 105 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,047 Ha, ha, ha. The ol' bullpen. 106 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:16,248 Don't hate me. 107 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,883 Okay. 108 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,351 This is great. 109 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,519 Yeah. 110 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,988 The pressures of my office are insane. Mmm. 111 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,556 I just... you couldn't understand. 112 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,625 But, man, you guys have it easy out here. 113 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,660 You know, I used to sit right here? 114 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,895 No way. Yeah. 115 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,197 And who had your office? 116 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:36,034 Ed Truck. Yuck. 117 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,537 Ed Truck was the manager before me. 118 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,372 Horrible. He hated fun. 119 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,441 It was like, oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. 120 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,677 Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work. 121 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,580 What a jerk. He's... 122 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,082 You know what? 123 00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:51,683 I swore to myself, that if I ever got 124 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,118 to walk around the room as manager, 125 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,487 people would laugh when they saw me coming. 126 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:58,357 And would applaud as I walked away. 127 00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:01,159 I'm serious, my closet doors will not shut. 128 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,627 I mean, it only takes so long 129 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,297 to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up. 130 00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:07,099 'Cause aren't all hangers, like, that big? 131 00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:08,967 So I don't understand why the closet engineer 132 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,235 didn't think of that. 133 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,803 So now I'm doing this new thing 134 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,072 where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor. 135 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,241 And I walk around the piles to get an outfit... 136 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,276 You know who used to sit at that desk? 137 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,412 That guy Miles who quit to form his own company? 138 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,748 Mmm-mmm. Todd Packer. 139 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,616 No. I thought he was out on the road. 140 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,818 He was, but, uh... 141 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,253 that desk was empty. 142 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,922 He'd come in and sit there sometimes. Ah. 143 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:34,292 When I was in training, 144 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,262 many years ago, not so long ago, 145 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:41,500 I worked side by side with a fellow named Todd Packer. 146 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,970 And together we rocked the office. 147 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,876 Packer and I once spent a whole day with our pants off. 148 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,377 And when people noticed, 149 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,979 we convinced them that they were crazy. 150 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:57,082 I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a Hamburger today. 151 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,151 Excuse me one second please. 152 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,887 What is it that you need right now that can't wait 153 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,588 until I'm off the phone with a customer? 154 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:07,225 Ooh, a customer. Well, sound the alarm. 155 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,194 Okay. 156 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,563 Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet 157 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,798 for like a minute. 158 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,299 Guy had no sense of humor about it. 159 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,434 Probably why he wasn't hired. 160 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,135 Unnh! Oh. 161 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,603 What did you hit me for? 162 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,906 Oh, Charlie horse. Charlie horse! What? 163 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,574 You shouldn't have hit me, Michael. 164 00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,009 Okay. Gah. 165 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:27,345 Once as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. 166 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:30,215 It was hysterical. 167 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:34,586 Beyoncé, pink, the color, Pink, the person, 168 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,589 hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. 169 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,025 Sno-cones. Hey, Jim, 170 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,928 Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair. 171 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:45,297 It's the lever on the side. 172 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,666 That's what I told him. Thanks. 173 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:55,407 Oh, my God, he is so cute. 174 00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:58,210 Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me? 175 00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:00,912 Oh, no, I don't think I can... 176 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,114 Oh, please, Jim. Please, please, Jim. 177 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,716 Please, please, please? He's so cute. 178 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,184 I like him so much. 179 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,919 And I would do it, but I'm too shy. 180 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,188 Please, Jim? Please, please, please? 181 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,024 Please, Jim, please? Please, please? 182 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,926 Dwight. 183 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,695 Michael. 184 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,430 Let's set up accounting. 185 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:21,199 What? 186 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,734 Old-fashioned raid. Sales on accounting. 187 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,637 Follow my lead. 188 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:29,774 Hey, guys. 189 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,676 Hey, Michael. Hey, Dwight. What's up? 190 00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,786 Whoo hoo! 191 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,588 Come on, come on, come on! 192 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:47,592 Sales rules! 193 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:52,197 Yeah, yeah! 194 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,832 Should we help them pick up their stuff? 195 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,635 No, no, no, no. We don't do that. 196 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,870 Watch out, Pam. You're next. 197 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,705 You're gonna throw my things on the ground? 198 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,773 Maybe. 199 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,109 What happened in Michael's office was wrong. 200 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,644 I understand it. 201 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,813 It makes sense. 202 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:12,517 But it's... but it was still wrong. 203 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:16,221 Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? 204 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,157 I don't know. 205 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,294 Could be done out of hate. 206 00:09:22,296 --> 00:09:25,297 Could be done out of love. 207 00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,232 It could be completely neutral. 208 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,668 Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. 209 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:34,172 Well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously. 210 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:38,009 Because my office still reeks like you would not believe. 211 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,845 I hate her. 212 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,082 You know what? 213 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,317 I am beginning to think 214 00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,052 that what happened to my carpet 215 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:51,323 was an act of terrorism against the office. 216 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,325 The only thing that makes any sense. 217 00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,493 Hello, am I the 107th caller? 218 00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:01,733 Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? 219 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,339 Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? 220 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,375 I'm totally going to win us that box set. 221 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,443 Stop. 222 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,677 Stop it. 223 00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,582 Stop it. 224 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,685 Don't. 225 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,054 Don't. 226 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,789 I need to make a sales call. 227 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,259 Please. 228 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,995 All right. 229 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:42,474 Am I the 107th caller? 230 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,513 Yeah, right. 231 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,555 Every day I go to bed, 232 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,391 and I have, like, a weird pinch in my back. 233 00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,759 And when I wake up, I feel fine. 234 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,460 But it's so hard to fall asleep. 235 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:02,460 And I just hate it, 236 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:06,031 cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night. 237 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,032 Hi, guys. 238 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,066 We haven't finished 239 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,734 getting things in order from your last visit. 240 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,803 - I'm just walking around. - Were you? 241 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,672 Well, yeah. It's just that we're really swamped 242 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:14,939 - over here, Michael. - Oh, and I'm not? 243 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,509 Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? 244 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,778 You guys just are working 245 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:20,979 for the weekend, are you? 246 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,213 I'm working for the week. 247 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,715 Sales team. 248 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,183 Listen to me. 249 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,651 This is what we're gonna do. 250 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,721 I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. 251 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,223 Right here, I'm going to put a crisp $100 bill. 252 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,826 The person with the most sales at the end of the day 253 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:35,994 gets to keep the cash. 254 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,696 - Sound good? - Yeah! 255 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,698 70, 80, 1, 2, 3. 256 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,200 $83. Still a lot of money. 257 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,769 And I'm going to... 258 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,938 I'm going to leave it 259 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,707 right over here 260 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,575 where everybody can see it. 261 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,078 I will be taking Jim's clients today 262 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,746 because he is not here. 263 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:57,482 And out of sight, out of the contest. 264 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,584 Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we? 265 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,019 You're going to compete against us? 266 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:03,021 Oh, it is on, Phyllis! It is so on! 267 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,089 It is so on! 268 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,423 God, this is gonna be fun. 269 00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,694 Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us. 270 00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,506 So you have 40 boxes going out. 271 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,775 And I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. 272 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,977 Very good. Nice doing business with you. 273 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,512 Thank you. 274 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,314 Yeeeeeees! 275 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,082 Ho ho ho ho. Yeah. 276 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,853 Ooh, look at that. 277 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,821 Look at me, Phyllis. Oh, what is that? 278 00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,089 That's my sale. 279 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,165 What... what's that? What you doing? 280 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,266 Nothing. 281 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,068 - I think he's dancing. - No, just... 282 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,336 That was definitely not dancing. 283 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,504 You know what, guys? 284 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:53,671 It's none of your concern. 285 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,839 It was official business. 286 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,174 - Paper business. - Yeah, paper business. 287 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,042 - Is this done? - No. 288 00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,310 Extreme Home Makeover 289 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,246 puts together a house in an hour. 290 00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,848 If you were on that crew, you'd be fired like that. 291 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,917 Somebody did something bad 292 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,986 to Michael's carpet. 293 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,122 Maybe that's all we need to know. 294 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,696 Who do you think did it? 295 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,431 Are you kidding? I thought it was you. 296 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,233 Really. I thought you. 297 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,810 This was no act of God. 298 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,944 A person did this. 299 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,612 A person who works in this office. 300 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,515 Maybe all of them. 301 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,983 You know what? 302 00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,920 Today is not a good day 303 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:42,921 for a sales contest. 304 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,322 We're... we're... we're not doing this today. 305 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,524 That doesn't seem fair. 306 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,092 You want to talk about fair? 307 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,161 Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? 308 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,930 You explain to me how that was fair, 309 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,765 and I'll explain to you how this is fair. 310 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,100 Plus I just... I think that picking today 311 00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,969 was sort of taking advantage. 312 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,904 But you're the one who picked today. 313 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,674 I am a victim of a hate crime. 314 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,242 Stanley knows what I'm talking about. 315 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,444 That's not what a hate crime is. 316 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,780 Well, I hated it a lot, okay? 317 00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,048 I... You know what? 318 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,384 If the guilty person would just come forward 319 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,553 and take their punishment, we'd be done. 320 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:21,960 Very well. 321 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,194 Then you're all punished. 322 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,429 What's our punishment? 323 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,597 You're all on a time out. 324 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,299 Just sit there quietly. 325 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:35,240 No, no. 326 00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,614 - Hey. - What's up? 327 00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:44,282 Nothing much. 328 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,617 Let me ask you something. 329 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,352 It's actually a little awkward. 330 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:50,889 What do you think of Kelly? 331 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,924 I don't know. 332 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,927 Depends if you like a little junk in... 333 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:58,696 Um, she's really cool. 334 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,131 Are you interested in her? 335 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,366 Yeah, totally. 336 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:03,034 - Really. - Did she say something? 337 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,136 She said lots of things. 338 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,471 Do you know if she's looking 339 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,640 for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool 340 00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:11,276 just hanging out? 341 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,077 I have no idea. 342 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,612 Can you find out? 343 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,015 Yeah. 344 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:18,850 Sure. 345 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,120 Oh, long-term, definitely. 346 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,888 Fall in love, have babies, 347 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,890 spend every second together. 348 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,292 But don't tell him that, okay? 349 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,127 Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. 350 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,596 I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows. 351 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,598 Do you remember Ed Truck? 352 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,067 Sure, he hired me. How's he doing? 353 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,669 How would I know? 354 00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:39,137 I thought you might. 355 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,906 My biggest fear is turning into him. 356 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:44,242 Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. 357 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:45,710 I wasn't talking literally, Creed. 358 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,446 Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. 359 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,614 Happy? 360 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,382 Why am I talking to you? 361 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,885 Ed? Hi, thanks for meeting me. 362 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:58,089 Must be kind of neat coming back. 363 00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,691 Yeah. Shall we go upstairs? 364 00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,959 Uh, well, honestly, Ed, 365 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,961 I really don't want to be up there right now. 366 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,964 So what's the problem with my pension? 367 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,799 Oh, no, no, no. You're good. 368 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,434 It was clerical. You're good. 369 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,969 Um, well, 370 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,270 somebody did something in my office, 371 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,505 and I now think that they did it on purpose 372 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,007 and it was directed at me. 373 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,241 But what was done? 374 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,477 I didn't get a good look at it. 375 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,547 But it smells horrible. 376 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:26,351 Yeah, somebody once did that in my office. 377 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,518 - Really. - Yeah. 378 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,686 Well, that figures. 379 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:32,857 So how did you deal with people not liking you? 380 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:35,326 You can't expect to be friends with everybody. 381 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,195 Well, sure I can. 382 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,064 No. They'll always think of you as a boss first. 383 00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,332 Not necessarily. 384 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,102 You can love a boss like you do a father. 385 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,703 I'm not sure that ever happens. 386 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,973 Well, okay, different management styles. 387 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,641 Why can't your workers be your workers, 388 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,711 family be your family, your friends be your friends? 389 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,680 Last week, I would've given a kidney 390 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,882 to anyone in this office. 391 00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,051 I would've reached right into my stomach 392 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:02,053 and pulled it out for them. 393 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,221 But now, no. 394 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,489 I don't have the relationship 395 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,391 with these people that I thought I did. 396 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,059 I hope they ask. 397 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:12,630 So they can hear me say, uh, no. 398 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,632 I only give my organs to my real friends. 399 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:18,136 Get yourself a monkey kidney. 400 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,470 Hey, Brenda, 401 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,473 this is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. 402 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,143 And I got your number from the corporate directory. 403 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,145 And, well, I was assuming 404 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,780 that you probably gave it to them 405 00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:31,015 because you wanted me to ask you out, right? 406 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:34,685 Um, so give me a call back. 407 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,355 You can get my number from said directory, 408 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:40,691 um, or just check your email 409 00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,194 cause I just sent you one. 410 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:46,264 Yikes. Uh, give me a call back... 411 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,332 I hope. I'll talk to you later. 412 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,434 Bye. 413 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,239 You just asked a girl out on the phone. 414 00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:58,743 Yup. 415 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,380 Yes. 416 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,881 Hello. Yes. 417 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,150 I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott. 418 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,486 Who is this? How did you get this number? 419 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,822 Your mom, you gay nerd. 420 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:14,392 Oh my God. Packer. Packster. 421 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,160 Wacky Pack. How you doing? 422 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,896 Hey, listen, did you get that package I left for you? 423 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,731 Uh, no. 424 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,168 Did anybody see a package here today? 425 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,670 No. How big was it? 426 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,671 It was pretty big. 427 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:27,672 Really? 428 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,873 Yeah. 429 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,608 Did you see a big package? 430 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,909 Where did you leave it? 431 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,644 Left it in the middle of your office. 432 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,346 Really. Guys, did you see a big package 433 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,948 in my office? 434 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,016 You mean the thing? 435 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,156 Are you kidding me? 436 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,757 Oh. 437 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:47,925 Special delivery. 438 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,327 That was Packer! 439 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,562 Oh, you're... oh, you are dead. 440 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,231 You are dead, my friend. 441 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,566 That is hilar... Oh God! 442 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,568 Of course it was you. 443 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,037 Sit on the throne, Michael. 444 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,573 Oh, yeah, yeah! 445 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,575 Oh my God. 446 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,144 It was Packer. 447 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,812 It takes an advanced sense of humor. 448 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,180 I don't expect everybody to understand. 449 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,349 It was done out of love just like I thought. 450 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:14,352 It's, uh, God, these people are so... 451 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,754 these are good people. 452 00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,658 We have fun. We just have fun. 453 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,294 Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out. 454 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,641 You have seven unheard messages. 455 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,377 Hey, Jim. It's Pam. 456 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,112 I keep looking up to say something to you, 457 00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,246 and then Michael's there. 458 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,414 And it's horrible. 459 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,516 Anyway, I'm bored. Come back. 460 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,852 Hey, guess what. 461 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,554 I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. 462 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:49,554 It's working. 463 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,290 I think I can have a career as a very specific 464 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,291 type of decorator. 465 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:57,662 Sudoku. Level: moderate. Time: 18 minutes. 466 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,263 Suck on that, Halpert. 467 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,766 I'll transfer you. 468 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,201 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 469 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,468 Hold, please. 470 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,637 Dunder Mifflin, this is... Okay, sorry. 471 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,838 Michael was standing at my desk 472 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,640 and I needed to be busy or who knows 473 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:10,641 what would've happened. 474 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,009 So thank you. 475 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:13,411 Hey, what's that word we made up 476 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,379 for when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? 477 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,882 Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe. 478 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,785 Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, 479 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,920 and I'm not messing this up so I'll see you tomorrow. 480 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,256 Calling from my cell phone. 481 00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,924 I don't know if you guys figured out 482 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,326 who did that to Michael's carpet yet, 483 00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,727 but I have a theory that it involves 484 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,662 an interdepartmental conspiracy... 485 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,331 everybody in the office. 486 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,032 We need to talk.