1 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,240 So, uh, have you found a band yet for your wedding? 2 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,509 No. 'Cause I'm in a band. 3 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,344 We really rock. 4 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,679 Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable. 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,547 I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, 6 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,982 but I'm fine with it. 7 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:20,586 She hears me arranging my social life, 8 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,488 and we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine 9 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,789 over the Internet, 10 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,424 so it evens out. 11 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,426 So I got the Save The Date. Yeah? 12 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:28,427 Yeah, pretty stationery. 13 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,561 Oh, thanks. 14 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,096 I didn't get mine yet. 15 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,134 Um... 16 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:38,670 There are a few people I decided not to invite, 17 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:42,674 and that might make things kind of awkward, but... 18 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,742 it's my wedding. 19 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:48,747 And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy. 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,614 Yes, thanks. 21 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,917 Fantastic Sam's. Adult cut plus. 22 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:28,220 Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry. 23 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,089 We're doing I.D. photos today. 24 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,091 Gotta represent. 25 00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:33,959 Uh, on or off? 26 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,027 Off. 27 00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:36,261 Okay. 28 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,031 Oh! What is on your face? 29 00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:40,599 Is that a disguise? 30 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:42,601 Excuse me. 31 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,737 Clown paint. 32 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,339 I.D. badges are long overdue. 33 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,708 Security in this office park is a joke. 34 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,412 Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. 35 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,849 I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes 36 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:59,218 at 60 pounds per square inch. 37 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,221 Can you imagine if I was deranged? 38 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,922 That's a nice tie. 39 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,827 Thank you. That is... 40 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,662 Who makes that? Um, I don't know. 41 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,564 Do you mind if I wear that for the photo? 42 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,700 Uh, let's, um... 43 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:17,035 Let's keep our clothes. 44 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,770 It's like child abuse! 45 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:23,108 I say if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! 46 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,744 He'd freak out, Toby, I mean, on so many levels. 47 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,913 And I'm supposed to work there! I'm supposed... 48 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,615 What's the dealio? 49 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,550 Just letting Oscar vent a little. 50 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,751 We would use the break room, 51 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,086 but the photographer's back there. 52 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,220 What's the problem? 53 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,288 Angela. 54 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,322 There's just a little dispute 55 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,825 over a poster in their workspace. 56 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,326 Since Christmas. 57 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,061 So what, you're having a little spat? 58 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,163 I forget. Are you guys dating? 59 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:45,564 No. 60 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,834 Michael, can I talk to you for a second, please? Yes. 61 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,369 Here's how I usually handle this. 62 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,703 All I do is listen. 63 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,039 These things just have a way of working themselves out. 64 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,341 It's like if you write someone a letter 65 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,543 when you're really angry. 66 00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,411 They say to keep it in your drawer for a couple days, 67 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,547 and then you just never end up sending it. 68 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,649 What do you know about conflict resolution? 69 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:06,451 Your answer to everything is to get divorced, so... 70 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:07,819 Okay. Okay, what? 71 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,688 That was a right decision for me and my marriage. 72 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,191 Well, that's not gonna fly here because in this office, 73 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,926 it is till death do us part, 74 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,928 assuming that we don't get downsized. 75 00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:18,597 Uh, Pam, would you get Angela 76 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,266 and meet us in the conference room, please? 77 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:24,469 A Mediator's Toolchest. 78 00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:28,907 Okay, well, before we get started, 79 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,475 you should know that there are 80 00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:33,579 five different styles of conflict. 81 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,649 My Shaolin Temple style defeats your Monkey style. 82 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,484 Can we go? I have a lot of work to do. 83 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:40,752 No. This is important. 84 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,188 Okay, the first style is "lose-lose." 85 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,758 What's the next one? Just hold on, please. 86 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,228 Okay, if we do lose-lose, 87 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:52,231 neither of you gets what you want. 88 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,365 Do you understand? 89 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,237 You would both lose. 90 00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,705 Now, I need to ask you, 91 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:04,243 do you want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation? 92 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:07,179 Can we just skip to whatever number five is? 93 00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:08,447 Win-win or whatever? 94 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,016 Win-win is number four, 95 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,752 and number five is win-win-win. 96 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,621 The important difference here is 97 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,756 with win-win-win, we all win. 98 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,393 Me too. I win for having successfully mediated 99 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,629 a conflict at work. 100 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,999 Okay, so this is the disputed poster. 101 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,034 Now, one at a time, 102 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,937 I want you to express your feelings 103 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:35,140 using "I" emotion language 104 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:38,477 and no judging, or "you" statements. 105 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,279 I got this poster for Christmas, 106 00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:42,547 and I feel I want to see it every day. 107 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:45,784 It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, 108 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,853 and God has a really cute sense of humor. 109 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,187 Come on, seriously. That? 110 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,989 I don't like looking at it. 111 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:54,159 It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. 112 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,262 It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers 113 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,964 who forced the babies into it. 114 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,300 It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. 115 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,602 It destroys art. It destroys souls. 116 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,904 This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porno. 117 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,172 Okay, okay, okay! Oh, my God. 118 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,740 Stop, stop, stop! 119 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,176 Let's see if we can't just brainstorm 120 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:14,446 and find some creative alternatives that are win-win. 121 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,448 Win. Yes. Thank you, Pam. 122 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:20,218 How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, 123 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,187 which Oscar wears. 124 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,989 That way he can never see it, 125 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,224 and whenever she looks at Oscar, 126 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,793 she can see it. 127 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,461 Win-win-win. 128 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,530 No. That's... No. 129 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,031 Okay, well, brainstorm. Own the solution. 130 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,766 How about I leave it up? 131 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,134 How about she takes it down? 132 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,804 How about Angela can keep it up 133 00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,106 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Okay. 134 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,842 That is called a compromise, 135 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,144 and it is style three, 136 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,179 and it is not ideal. 137 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,347 To sum up, 138 00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:51,116 win-win, make the poster into a t-shirt. 139 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,552 Win-lose, take the poster down. 140 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,387 Compromise, Tuesdays and Thursdays. 141 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,589 And the answer is... 142 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,759 make the poster into a t-shirt. 143 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,294 Win-win. Win. 144 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,362 Fine. But... 145 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,064 It is done! 146 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,401 No, you're all good. 147 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,469 Great. 148 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,877 Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code. 149 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,380 Oh, thanks. 150 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,316 It was hand-delivered, 151 00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:27,619 but I did get a Save The Date after all. 152 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,755 It's not my taste. 153 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,056 You solved it. 154 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,190 Yes. 155 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,394 Well, good. We can throw that one out. 156 00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,597 Are those all the other complaints? Mm-hmm. 157 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,998 I would like to see those, please. 158 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000 I... I can't do that. 159 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:45,103 You can't do that, huh? Okay. 160 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,872 Now you and I have a conflict. 161 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,141 I order you to give me that file. 162 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,275 That... 163 00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:52,611 Okay. 164 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,416 There! No more conflict. 165 00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,985 I had to use win-lose on that. It was not pretty. 166 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,686 All right. Is that it? 167 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,828 It's all Dwight's. 168 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,563 Every Friday at 4:00, 169 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,365 I have a standing appointment with Dwight 170 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,634 for him to file a grievance against Jim. 171 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,868 I tell him that I'm sending them 172 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,804 to a special file in New York. 173 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,272 That box is the... 174 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,773 Special file in New York. 175 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,609 Oh, God. All right. 176 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,012 Why do I have to do everything? 177 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,079 Are you sure? 178 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,749 Oh, he's sure. Just shoot. 179 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,254 This is from Kevin. 180 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,691 He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. 181 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,828 Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud 182 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,895 in the morning, 183 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,997 and the lights are too bright. 184 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:49,234 Creed... 185 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:52,204 Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day 186 00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:55,340 and wants a seat facing the receptionist. 187 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,175 Nice. 188 00:07:57,177 --> 00:08:01,379 You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me. 189 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,981 Actually, I have a separate folder 190 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,916 for complaints against Michael. 191 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:11,089 This is January through March of this year. 192 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,661 How many of you have at one time 193 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,464 gone to Toby to complain about another employee? 194 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,235 And did you get what you wanted, 195 00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:26,972 or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, 196 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:28,006 and you move on? 197 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,743 That is outrageous! 198 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,378 I love this place, 199 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,413 and it pains me to see 200 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:39,818 all of the negativity festering... 201 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,186 Okay. 202 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:45,557 Today we are going to get everything out of these files 203 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,527 and into the open, where it can be resolved. 204 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,696 All right, how about the Phyllis-Angela dispute? 205 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,064 You already did me. 206 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,599 That's what she said. 207 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:55,734 The thing is, Angela, 208 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,904 you are in here an awful lot. 209 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,672 You have complained about everybody in the office, 210 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,275 except Dwight, which is odd 211 00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,777 because everyone else has had run-ins with Dwight. 212 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,280 Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? 213 00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:10,315 There is a file full of complaints in here 214 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,750 marked "redacted." 215 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,051 Yeah, it just means whoever complained 216 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,286 came to me later and withdrew it, 217 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,021 so I took their name off. 218 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,222 Okay. 219 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,891 There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight 220 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,227 that were put in the redacted file about six months ago. 221 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,261 Wait! 222 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,030 If someone has a problem with me, 223 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,132 why would they withdraw it six months ago? 224 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,537 Um... Let's move on. 225 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:33,805 I volunteer. 226 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,340 Did anyone have a problem with me? 227 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,176 All right, Pamela. Come on down! 228 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,878 Let's do it. 229 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,181 And... okay. Just one complaint. 230 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,717 Actually, it has been withdrawn. 231 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,018 So that is no help to us. 232 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,853 Next. Wait, what did it say? 233 00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,856 Uh, "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? 234 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:52,991 Shouldn't she do that at home?" 235 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,661 Who else? 236 00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,396 Why don't we just warm up first? 237 00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,065 Warm up emotionally, all right? 238 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,367 I have this kind of big secret about Angela. 239 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,902 And I've been really nice to her, 240 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,638 and I haven't told anyone, and... 241 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,772 What the hell?! 242 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,442 Here is a Kelly complaint. 243 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,577 "Ryan never returns my calls." 244 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,479 Ah. Join the club. 245 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,082 My voice mail's real spotty... sometimes. 246 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,884 I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking. 247 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,386 To your HR representative. 248 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,921 To my friend, I thought. 249 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,389 I want that withdrawn. 250 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,091 Fine, I'll take your name off. 251 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,425 So no one will know. 252 00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,029 Making progress. 253 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,364 Yes. Dwight tried to kiss me. 254 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,798 What? And I didn't tell anyone 255 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,400 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it. 256 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,003 That is not true. Redact it. Redact it! 257 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,571 Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. 258 00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:41,406 I just really think we should talk about it. 259 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,607 Okay, question. 260 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,275 When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply 261 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:47,512 to the permanent misbehavior file in New York? 262 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:48,680 Sure. 263 00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,349 Stanley. 264 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,717 Hey. A lot of anger under there... 265 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,452 Thanks for ratting me out. 266 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,487 I didn't do it. 267 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:56,755 I find that hard to believe, 268 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,590 considering you have problems with every single person 269 00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:02,894 in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe. 270 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:06,364 Someone complained that the men's room 271 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,233 is "whites only." 272 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,101 Stanley, you know that's not true. 273 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,936 I didn't say that. 274 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,105 Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? 275 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,111 Okay, Phyllis. 276 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,714 You complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks. 277 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,916 And you tried to get off the party planning committee. 278 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,785 No, I never said any such thing. 279 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,453 Angela and I are close. 280 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,688 And... also, Phyllis, 281 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,691 Stanley says that you cry too much, 282 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:33,758 and that bugs him. 283 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,427 Stanley and I are close, too. 284 00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:38,329 - We sit close. - Okaaay. 285 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:43,101 Just take it. 286 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,603 I can't believe Angela. 287 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:46,905 I went against my better judgment, 288 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,707 and I gave her a Save The Date. 289 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,076 And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby. 290 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,610 Well, it was redacted. 291 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,180 Look, if she wants an invite, 292 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,681 maybe she's just trying to be friends. 293 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,616 Don't take her side. 294 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,687 Well, what does Roy think about everything? 295 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:02,687 I don't know. 296 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,323 I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff. 297 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,425 You mean like your thoughts and feelings? 298 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,493 Yeah. 299 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:11,663 I know you keep saying it's your space, 300 00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:12,931 even though there's no assigned parking, 301 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:13,998 but I keep forgetting. 302 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,366 Yes, that's the problem. 303 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,534 I guess so. 304 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:20,138 Okay, well. All settled, then. 305 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,242 I don't like you. 306 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,244 Okay, Ryan, you told Toby 307 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:31,950 that Creed has a distinct old man smell? 308 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,918 I know exactly what he's talking about. 309 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,254 I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel 310 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,388 in my desk drawer. 311 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,957 Very nutritious. 312 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,492 But they smell like death. 313 00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:41,893 All right, Kevin. 314 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:42,961 You are accused of making 315 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,497 sexually suggestive remarks to Angela 316 00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,232 that made her feel uncomfortable. 317 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,733 Solution. 318 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,268 Angela, you are to make 319 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,137 sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin 320 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,171 that will make him uncomfortable. 321 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,906 I accept your decision. 322 00:12:56,877 --> 00:13:00,245 Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together. 323 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,746 That doesn't make any sense. 324 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,214 Well, it saves time, you know. 325 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,349 'Cause we could just meet 326 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,416 in the parking lot every morning. 327 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,085 Walk in together. Perfect. 328 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,086 Smile. 329 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,888 No. 330 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,389 I never smile if I can help it. 331 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,423 Showing one's teeth 332 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,459 is a submission signal in primates. 333 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,594 When someone smiles at me, all I see 334 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,830 is a chimpanzee begging for its life. 335 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,002 This came out really well. 336 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,370 There you go. 337 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,376 This is humongous. 338 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,411 I am not a security threat. Oh. 339 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,580 And my middle name is Kurt. 340 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,248 Not Fart. 341 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,684 What did I write? 342 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:44,689 I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file. 343 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,725 Talk to Michael. I gave him the box. 344 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,093 What box? 345 00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,064 But I didn't report your snoring... Wednesdays, tearful. 346 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:56,334 Tuesdays... Okay. 347 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,803 Ah... agh... dgh... dah! Dwight. 348 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,739 No, no! 349 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,174 Four years of malfeasance unreported. 350 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,909 This cannot stand. Okay. Calm down. 351 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,444 No, you calm down. Whose side is Toby on? 352 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,579 Whose side are you on?! 353 00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:09,147 Hey, hey! Him or me? 354 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,415 Him or me? 355 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,783 I cannot work with Jim anymore. Okay. 356 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:12,917 Either he goes, or I go. 357 00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,118 Dwight, stop... You choose! 358 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,487 One of us is out of here by the end of today. 359 00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:21,459 Okay. 360 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:24,596 I am not bluffing! 361 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:25,797 Okay, yes. Okay? 362 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:26,931 Do the right thing here, Michael. 363 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,400 I have served you loyally for years. 364 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,469 I deserve this, you know I do! 365 00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:37,375 You know your I.D. says you're a security threat? 366 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,043 You have till 5:00. 367 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:44,883 Oh, look, Jim. 368 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,620 There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. 369 00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:51,556 Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? 370 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,758 I could put in a good word for you. 371 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,560 'Cause I'll still be working here. 372 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,663 Trans-fer, trans-fer... Everybody. 373 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,299 Trans-fer, trans-fer trans-fer! 374 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:05,036 Okay, you two, in the conference room, with me. 375 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,973 Nobody leaves until we work this out. 376 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,842 Cage match. 377 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,477 Cage matches? Yeah, they work. 378 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,745 How could they not work? 379 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:14,812 If they didn't work, 380 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,215 everybody would still be in the cage. 381 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,883 Okay, so, Dwight, in your own words. 382 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:22,053 "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. 383 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,355 I suspect Jim Halpert." 384 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,125 "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. 385 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,460 I think Jim Halpert paid them to." 386 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,797 Yes, five bucks each. 387 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,499 And it was totally worth it. 388 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,635 "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, 389 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,004 "and Jim Halpert tried to convince me 390 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,239 "I committed murder. 391 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,474 I think he may be the real murderer." 392 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,810 "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant 393 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:46,844 "in the women's room. 394 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,613 "When I went to save the child, 395 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,148 I saw Meredith on the can." 396 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,950 Gad. 397 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:57,588 "This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone." 398 00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,692 That actually took a while. 399 00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:03,461 I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, 400 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,196 till he got used to the weight, 401 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,932 and then I just... took 'em all out. 402 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,401 "Every time I typed my name 403 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,170 it said Diapers." 404 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,840 Just a simple macro. 405 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,943 You know, these actually don't sound that funny 406 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:19,978 one after another. 407 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,413 But he does deserve it, though. 408 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:23,948 "By the end of the day, 409 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,117 my desk was about two feet closer to the copier." 410 00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,420 Yeah, I just moved it an inch 411 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,955 every time he went to the bathroom. 412 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,659 And that's how I spent my entire day that day. 413 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:01,953 The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, 414 00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:05,523 where they dig into your body, very hard. 415 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,824 And it is very painful. 416 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,926 And apparently, some people throw up. 417 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,529 But the next day they feel great. 418 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,598 I've never had one. 419 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,066 They sound awful. 420 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,174 Maybe Stamford would be cool. 421 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:26,978 It's a good market. 422 00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:29,647 Higher volume. 423 00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:31,382 Yeah. 424 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,552 Maybe we should both go. 425 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,854 I have a girlfriend. 426 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,890 Sure, you do, Dwight. Sure. 427 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:42,627 Hey, there's, like, 300 more of these. 428 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,928 Let's get to them later. 429 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,696 So, you gonna transfer Jim or not? 430 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,932 Maybe. I haven't decided yet. 431 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:48,933 Let's get to work. 432 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,535 I want an answer by tomorrow. 433 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:54,105 Okay... ooh, actually, tomorrow's not good. 434 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,340 How about later in the week? 435 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,809 Fine. 436 00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:00,311 Good. Okay. 437 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,450 Hey! Wait. 438 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,419 How about a group picture while you're here? 439 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,588 I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos. 440 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,557 Well, that's, what, a computer camera, right? 441 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,125 You mean, digital? 442 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,127 Yeah, it'll take, like, two seconds. 443 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,096 20 bucks. 444 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,697 All right. 445 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:23,034 Everybody, come on. Group photo for the newsletter. 446 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,869 You've gotta be kidding. 447 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,637 Come on, everybody. Come on, let's go. 448 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,874 Creed, Kevin, Oscar, andale, let's go. 449 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,443 One, two, three. Smile. 450 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,978 Try to smile. 451 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,079 We resolved a lot today, everybody. 452 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,214 Think happy thoughts. 453 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,548 Okay, I'm just gonna take it on three, 454 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,850 whether you smile or not. 455 00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,184 One, two, three. 456 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,886 Good. Let's check that out. 457 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,522 Ew, okay, all right. 458 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,023 One more. We'll take one more. 459 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,191 That'll be another 20. 460 00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,593 What? 461 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,095 Angela, I want to talk to you about something. What? 462 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,196 No, Pam... I am. 463 00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:53,698 It's about the Save The Date... 464 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,999 Pam, it wasn't her. What? 465 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,369 I'm the one who complained about you. 466 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:04,008 I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. 467 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,410 I was just venting. 468 00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,479 You know, it was one day. 469 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,981 And I took it right back. 470 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,616 It was like... 471 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:14,819 Okay. 472 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,354 Oh, dear. 473 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,026 Okay... we can do this. 474 00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,327 Come on, everybody. 475 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:26,931 All right. 476 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,599 Here we go. 477 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,403 It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. 478 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,172 He would not give me a discount. 479 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,140 And eight tries added up. 480 00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,576 One, two... 481 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,311 Didn't say three, did I? 482 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,114 But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop. 483 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:45,149 So it turned out fine in the end. 484 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,517 When people work together, 485 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,319 there is going to be conflict. 486 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,588 You can't outrun your problems. 487 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,356 Hey, Pam, it's Jim. 488 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,592 Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. 489 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,128 So I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. 490 00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:59,931 Just thought I'd let ya know. Okay, bye. 491 00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:01,933 Okay, Jan will see you now. 492 00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:03,267 Oh, thanks. 493 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:06,037 And that is why the idea of a cage match 494 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,773 is so universally appealing. 495 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:11,175 But here's the thing about cage matches. 496 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,745 Sometimes you have to open the cage. 497 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:20,318 And that is something that Toby will never understand.