1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,034 Hello, son. 2 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,235 If you're watching this, 3 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,371 that means I'm already dead. 4 00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,206 Life is a road... 5 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,375 How do you know it's gonna be a boy? How... 6 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,809 Would you stop interrupting, please? 7 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,312 Yesterday, I was scraping some gunk 8 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,547 off my wall sockets with a metal fork, 9 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,951 and I gave myself the nastiest shock. 10 00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,786 And when I came to, 11 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,488 I had an epiphery. 12 00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,892 Life is precious. 13 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,794 And if I die, 14 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:32,664 I want my... son... 15 00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:37,102 to know the dealio. 16 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,871 The dealio of life. 17 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,906 Here are some things that I want to teach you 18 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,408 that your mother won't be able to. 19 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,277 To jump-start a car, first pop the hood. 20 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,579 Then you take these bad boys 21 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,949 and clip them anywhere on the engine. 22 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,919 Then, you take these, 23 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:56,755 and clip them wherever. 24 00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,092 Number eight. 25 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,660 Learn how to take off a woman's bra. 26 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,495 What? We will demonstrate on Pam. 27 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,530 No. And... 28 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:05,864 No. Come on. 29 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,833 You just twist your hand, 30 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,468 until... 31 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,703 something breaks. 32 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,838 Ow. 33 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,206 Well, you get the picture. 34 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,774 Thanks, Pam. 35 00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,777 And remember, no matter what, 36 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,345 I will always love you. 37 00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:21,413 What if he's a murderer? 38 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,615 He's not gonna be a murderer. 39 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,717 Maybe that's how you die. You know what? 40 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,420 Dwight, do you want to do this or no? 41 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,889 I want to do this. Okay. 42 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,891 From the top. Ready? 43 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,460 3... Action. 44 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:56,648 Hello, everyone. 45 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,517 As you know, 46 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,452 we are six days away 47 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,054 from Phyllis's wedding. 48 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,157 So get your suits to the dry cleaners, 49 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,258 and get your hair did. 50 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,826 And Karen, um... 51 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,628 you might want to invest in a... a dress 52 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,296 or a skirt of some kind 53 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,132 if you don't already have one. 54 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,566 This may be Phyllis's 55 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,101 only wedding ever. 56 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,436 It's my job to ensure 57 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,037 that none of you look like ragamuffins. 58 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:22,708 So... I am instituting 59 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,910 primae noctis. 60 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,912 Primae noctis, 61 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,747 I believe from the movie Braveheart, 62 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,116 and confirmed on Wikipedia, 63 00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:35,487 is when the king got to deflower every new bride 64 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,256 on her wedding night. 65 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,659 So... 66 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,061 I'm sorry. I... 67 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,930 had a very different understanding 68 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,798 as to what primae noctis meant. 69 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,735 I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis's wedding, 70 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,236 because I want her 71 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,272 to get people excited about my wedding, 72 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,606 when the time comes. 73 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,941 Which won't be hard. 74 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,309 Because it's gonna be awesome. 75 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,011 A lot better than hers, that's for sure. 76 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,946 It'll probably be on a boat. 77 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,047 What's up, 78 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,282 spinstas? 79 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,449 Nothing. 80 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,918 You know, this is a luncheon shower. 81 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:06,952 Girls only. 82 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,353 No problem. 83 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,421 The guys are having 84 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,523 a little shindig of their own 85 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,891 in the warehouse. 86 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,626 From 2:30 to 3:15. 87 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,462 It is the only time that Bob was available. 88 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,031 Sort of a guys' night out. 89 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,732 A G-N-O, if you will. 90 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,167 A g-no. 91 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,736 Actually, it's more of a guys' afternoon in. 92 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,371 A G-A-I. 93 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,439 A gai. 94 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,541 Not... 95 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,543 Not... it's, uh... not gay. 96 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,879 It's a, just a... 97 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,315 It's a bridal shower for guys. 98 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,983 A guy shower. 99 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,219 An hour-long shower with guys. 100 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,828 I guess Jim and I 101 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,863 have had a little bit of a rough patch 102 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,632 for the past couple weeks, 103 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,500 but we had some really good talks. 104 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,035 And actually, 105 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,338 now I think that we're better than ever. 106 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:05,010 Karen and I had a long... talk last night. 107 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,012 And the night before that. 108 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,614 And, uh... 109 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,881 Every night... 110 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:14,052 for the last five nights. 111 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,867 Something's up with Jim and Karen. 112 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,403 Not that I've been eavesdropping. 113 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,505 It's not really any of my business. 114 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,141 But... I've gotten pretty good 115 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,543 at reading the back of Jim's neck. 116 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,512 Halpert! 117 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,248 Tall, queer, handsome as ever. 118 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,816 "Hey, everybody, it's me. 119 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,352 Jim." 120 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,554 Hello, hello. 121 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,256 Todd Packer. 122 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,424 Karen Filipelli. 123 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,458 Jim's girlfriend. 124 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,626 Shut up! 125 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,994 Yep. Shut it! 126 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,629 That's rude. 127 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,131 Either this chick is a dude, 128 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,466 or Halpert got scared straight! 129 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,701 Yes, yes. 130 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,036 Oh ho! Yes. 131 00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,170 Oh ho ho ho ho. 132 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,805 There... uh! 133 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,973 What happened? 134 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,976 Quick, somebody help! 135 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,979 Help the man! Ow, no, no! 136 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,014 I can't believe you're not going to be there. 137 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,249 It's gonna be good. 138 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,851 It's gonna be a great bachelor party, man. 139 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,720 I have a full day of sales calls. 140 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,754 You should get out of them. 141 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,022 I can't. 142 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,558 It's... it's the only time he can do it. 143 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,827 2:30 to 3:15. 144 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,562 It's gonna be great. 145 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,863 We're going to be doing some darts, 146 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,965 we're gonna be, uh, grilling up some steaks. 147 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,168 I got some pie... 148 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,603 Going to be very delicious... 149 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,273 And what kind of stripper did you get? 150 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:44,876 I did not order a stripper. 151 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,311 Whaddaya mean, you didn't order a stripper? 152 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,380 Have you ever even been to a bachelor party? 153 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,915 Yeah. 154 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,285 Um... 155 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,421 Not personally, no. 156 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,323 All right, Mike. Okay? 157 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,559 A stripper is Bachelor Party 101. 158 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,160 I know, I... If you don't get a stripper, 159 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,428 your party is gonna suck. 160 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,297 I can't get a stripper here. 161 00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:06,531 Sexual harassment. 162 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,868 I just... Get one for the girls, too. 163 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,969 That evens it out. 164 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,204 You know, separate but equal. 165 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,940 So that's what that means. 166 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,209 Okay, everybody. Slight change of plans. 167 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,478 We are still going to be having two parties, 168 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,046 but each is going to get 169 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,781 a little extra dose of naugh-tay. 170 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:23,915 Unh! 171 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,317 All right! 172 00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,252 Unh! Gay... 173 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,920 What? 174 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,655 Okay, co-ed naked strippers in this office. 175 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,157 For realsies. 176 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,592 Under no circumstance should a man 177 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,894 strip off his clothes in this office. 178 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,262 Shut up, Angela! 179 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,168 Hey. 180 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,870 Hey. 181 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,673 Uh... 182 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,175 Uh... 183 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,843 Everything okay? 184 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,245 Oh, yeah. 185 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,413 Why? 186 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,215 Well, you seem a little tired. 187 00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,351 Oh. 188 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,119 Yeah, well... 189 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,356 I guess there's been a couple of late nights. 190 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,459 Karen and I have been up talking. 191 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,962 You should get more sleep. 192 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,664 Yeah. 193 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,199 I know I should. 194 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,635 Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. 195 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,437 No, I'm sure you're right. 196 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:21,072 When I get eight hours, compared to, like, six hours... 197 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,375 it's like, big difference! 198 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,543 Really? 199 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,211 Oh, yeah. 200 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,413 Gotta get your REM cycle. 201 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,682 Going with the whole... 202 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,118 sleeping... 203 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,053 better than not. 204 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,856 Good advice, Beesly. 205 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,458 Thanks. See you out there? 206 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,827 Yeah. 207 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,129 Don't fall asleep at your desk. 208 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,331 Oh, my God. 209 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,099 Okay. We are off. 210 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,036 Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies. 211 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,840 And I need you to handle... 212 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,374 hiring the strippers. 213 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,909 Absolutely not. 214 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,044 I'm on it. 215 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,846 Well, get on it, and make it happen. 216 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,881 Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, 217 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,749 no tats, no moles. 218 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,451 No tats. 219 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,353 No, tats. 220 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,754 Of course I want... Stop. 221 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,289 That's disgusting. Leave me alone 222 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,924 and get the male stripper. Fine. 223 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,459 I knew you would, Nancy. 224 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,794 Sally. 225 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,596 Uh... no preference. 226 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,931 Uh, what do you think, a redhead or brunette? 227 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,000 Blonde. 228 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,803 Nice. 229 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,873 Do you have any blonde women? 230 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,842 Hmm. 231 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,447 He hasn't even said a word yet. 232 00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:37,015 Just giggling. 233 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,488 Gotcha. 234 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,962 - Yes? - You okay? 235 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,597 I'm in the... I'm in the sex shop. 236 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:53,865 Ah, gotcha. 237 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,269 Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, 238 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,170 Ben Franklin, or SpongeBob SquarePants. 239 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,572 SquarePants? 240 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,507 Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants. 241 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,876 And you think that'd be sexy? 242 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,044 Michael referred me 243 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,915 to a male strip club called Banana Slings. 244 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,616 Instead, I called 245 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,985 the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania. 246 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,120 Ooh, ha ha! 247 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,488 Hold the door, please! 248 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,989 Oh. Thank you. 249 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,391 Ho ho. Hello. 250 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,659 Hello. 251 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,160 You wearing a thong? 252 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,662 What? 253 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,601 Sparkling cider is very good. 254 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:30,936 I think that's champagne. 255 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,005 Hello, ladies. 256 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,374 Who here is a history buff? 257 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,176 Um... 258 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,078 Who's a fan of buff naked? 259 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,683 Without further ado, the one, 260 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,718 the only... 261 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,687 the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin. 262 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,657 Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott. 263 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,727 And good afternoon, fine gentlewomen 264 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,963 of Dunder-Mifflin. 265 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,164 Huh? 266 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,566 Half pants, right, Mr. Franklin? 267 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,468 Knickers, in fact, yes. 268 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,536 He's in his knickers. 269 00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,571 Mr. Franklin. 270 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,772 Hmm? I would say 271 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,009 you were probably one of the sexiest presidents ever. 272 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,245 Well, actually, I never was president. 273 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,715 Yes, but Ben Franklin was. 274 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,584 Ah. 275 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,153 I am here to teach you a little bit 276 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,255 about my life. 277 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,157 And the era of the Founding Fathers. 278 00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,862 And when they came over on the Mayflower. 279 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,565 Bow-chicka-bow. 280 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,467 Wait. 281 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,701 This is the entertainment? 282 00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,036 Yeah. All right. 283 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:41,306 So I want you to give him your undivided attention, 284 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,374 and Mr. Franklin... Hmm? 285 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,743 If any of these ladies misbehave, 286 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,945 I give you permission to spank them. 287 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,279 Especially that one. 288 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,387 Have you ever seen a stripper before? 289 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:56,755 Yes. 290 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,723 Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. 291 00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,525 It was one of her many aliases. 292 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,593 Yeah. 293 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,894 Me neither. Hey. 294 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,362 Hi. I'm Elizabeth. 295 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,131 I'm the dancer that was requested. 296 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,133 Okay. Ha. 297 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,902 I specifically ordered a stripper. 298 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,604 I'm the stripper. 299 00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:14,205 Oh. Okay, good. 300 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,708 Well, in future, please identify yourself as such. 301 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,510 Oh, God. Okay... 302 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,412 "Is she hot?" 303 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,719 Text back, "Kind of." 304 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,191 It was a warm June evening in 1752, 305 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,160 the night of my fateful kite flight. 306 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,361 Mr. Franklin. Yes? 307 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,896 Do you have a girlfriend? 308 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,098 I have a lovely wife. Deborah. 309 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,701 But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? 310 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:43,935 Mm. 311 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,170 Like, a lot of them? 312 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,404 Ah, well, that 313 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,040 is a gray area of my life. 314 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,875 Okay? So. 315 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,044 It was a warm June evening... 316 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,913 Look at that. 317 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:58,383 Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors. 318 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,553 Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on? 319 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,621 No. 320 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,889 Yes. 321 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,791 Oh, gross. But I got all the foot off of it. 322 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,394 Mm... Okay, Ben Franklin. 323 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,463 Ah... aha! 324 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:15,100 Oh, Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem in his mouth! 325 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,235 Well, that is because I am a Renaissance man. 326 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,236 Ben Franklin? 327 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,338 Hmm? Do you wear boxers, 328 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,639 briefs, or pantaloons? 329 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,008 Well. 330 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:26,177 You're very saucy. 331 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,350 Guys! Beef! 332 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,385 It's what's for dinner. 333 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,488 Who wants some man meat? 334 00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:37,822 I do. I want some man meat. 335 00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:39,257 Michael, 336 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,792 Dwight would like your man meat. 337 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,927 Well, then, my man meat he shall have. 338 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,230 There you go. 339 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,465 Deliciousity. 340 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,566 Of course. 341 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,635 There we go. 342 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,505 So I guess you have the Ben Franklin wig, 343 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:55,073 and the costume, and you figure, 344 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,941 "How could I put this to practical use?" 345 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,409 Well, I like to think that his dad 346 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,145 was a Ben Franklin impersonator. 347 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,047 And he really pressured him into it. 348 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,085 Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you. 349 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,187 I-I know this is weird or whatever, 350 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,421 but, um... 351 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,824 Jim told me about you guys. 352 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,026 What do you mean? 353 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,594 Well, that you kissed. 354 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,264 And we've talked it through, and it's totally fine. 355 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,232 It's not a big deal. 356 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,301 It was just a kiss. 357 00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:26,404 Wait, you're not still... 358 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,605 interested in him? 359 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,207 Oh, yeah. 360 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,476 Really. 361 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,912 Oh, no. 362 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,847 I'm... I was confused by your phrasing. 363 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,149 You should definitely go out with Jim. 364 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,651 I mean, you're going out with Jim. 365 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,019 I'm not going out with Jim. 366 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,420 You're dating him. 367 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,555 Which is awesome, 368 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,056 because you guys are great together. 369 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,925 'Kay. 370 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,127 I'm not into Jim. 371 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,328 Yeah. 372 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,231 So, um... we're good. 373 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,567 Yeah. 374 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,001 Sorry. 375 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,437 What are you sorry about? 376 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,006 Um... 377 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,208 What? 378 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,609 What are you sorry about? 379 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,211 Nothing. 380 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,880 I was just thinking of something else. 381 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,383 Okay, the game is no-limit, deuce to 7 lowball. 382 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,252 Blinds 25-50. 383 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,221 Nickels are worth 10, dimes 25, 384 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,422 and quarters 50. 385 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,556 Nothing wild. 386 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,991 Michael shuffle! 387 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,759 Here we go. 388 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,165 Michael... 389 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,735 Ah. Gentlemen... 390 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,837 The entertainment is here. 391 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,072 Everybody, I'd like to introduce you 392 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,773 to Elizabeth. 393 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,041 Hi, guys. 394 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,443 Nice outfit. 395 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:41,079 I hear there's an important meeting here. 396 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,216 I'm not really into strippers. 397 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,818 And... you know what I find sexy? 398 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,686 Pam's art. 399 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:49,854 She's an artist. 400 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,257 And I appreciate that. 401 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,125 It's very moving. 402 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,461 And... sexy. 403 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,796 The art. 404 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,765 Hit it. 405 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,604 So where's the groom? 406 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,406 Oh. He is right there. 407 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,941 There he is. 408 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,009 Absolutely not. 409 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,443 That's all you. 410 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,444 It's all you. 411 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,680 Okay. 412 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,181 All right, I'll do it. 413 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,017 Yeah, let's do it. 414 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,184 Let's do this thing. 415 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,552 Yeah? 416 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,321 What do I... Just sit on down. 417 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,956 All right. All right. 418 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,291 Okay. And here we go. 419 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,092 Oh, here we go. All right. 420 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,460 Yes. Whoo! 421 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,463 Not bad, not bad. 422 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,432 You smell nice. Like Tide. 423 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,034 Mm, what's that? 424 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,002 You smell like Tide detergent. 425 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,971 Do you use 426 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,306 Tide detergent? 427 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,642 Ha ha! 428 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,444 Whoo! 429 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,079 I have a girlfriend, so... 430 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,515 I bet she'd be jealous. 431 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,450 Yeah, she'd probably... 432 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,352 Yes, she would be. 433 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,720 You know what? Okay. Excuse me. 434 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,956 This... please. Stop it, stop it. 435 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,023 Turn off the music. This is wrong. 436 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,024 This is wrong! 437 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,125 This is wrong. 438 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,029 I have a girlfriend. 439 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,464 Uh-uh. 440 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,699 And you are engaged, 441 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,733 and I'm sure you have 442 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,668 a boyfriend in prison or something, 443 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:11,936 so... 444 00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,604 Let's just clear out, okay? 445 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,239 Shame on you. 446 00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,010 Go back to work! 447 00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,715 Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. 448 00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,216 When the phone rings, answer it. 449 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,618 You want me to answer phones 450 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,087 with my clothes on? 451 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,489 We hired you for three hours' work. 452 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,991 And we're gonna get it. 453 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,630 Ooh, I love your poster. 454 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,001 Thank you. 455 00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,480 You know, I invented electricity. 456 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,315 I know. 457 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,383 Well, I'm sensing 458 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,051 a little electricity right here. 459 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:03,187 Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? 460 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,824 Yes, but I don't. 461 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,860 My name is Gordon. 462 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,429 Oh. 463 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,297 On one hand, I want to be honest with Jan 464 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,365 and tell her the truth. 465 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,533 But on the other hand, 466 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,934 I'm afraid she's gonna dump me. 467 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,970 You know, Michael, 468 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,439 I fathered an illegitimate son. 469 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,007 Really. But I kept all this 470 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,976 from my wife, Deborah. 471 00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:28,079 These things only serve to upset the women. 472 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,515 They are the gentler sex. 473 00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,484 Wow. 474 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,719 Ben Franklin, 475 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,921 you're really kind of a sleazebag. 476 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,826 Stripper? 477 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,361 Could I ask you a question? 478 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,897 About women? 479 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,465 Um... 480 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,935 Should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? 481 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:57,708 Secret secrets are no fun. 482 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,845 Secret secrets hurt someone. 483 00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:05,383 Wow. 484 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,085 Thank you. 485 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,589 Care for a piece of chocolate? 486 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,690 Chocolate! 487 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,991 Where did you acquire it? 488 00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,827 That is a delicacy in the Amazon, 489 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,295 but it has not yet been imported 490 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,763 to the United States. 491 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,165 Who was the king of Austria? Joseph II. 492 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,201 Who was the king of Prussia? Friedrich Wilhelm III. 493 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,469 Who was the king of England? 494 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,971 Why, the tyrant King George, of course. 495 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,473 I don't care what Jim says. 496 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:31,042 That is not the real Ben Franklin. 497 00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,878 I am 99% sure. 498 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,080 Michael, I left a meeting. 499 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,682 What is so urgent? 500 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:41,486 Are you... are you okay? 501 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,920 Not really. 502 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,989 Look, I don't know how to say this, 503 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,357 so I just will. 504 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,391 Okay. 505 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,760 I, um... 506 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,196 went to a bachelor party. 507 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:57,335 And things got a little out of hand. 508 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,505 Uh, when... when did... When, last night? 509 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,140 No, today at work. 510 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,108 You went to a bachelor party at work? 511 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,177 Yes, I kind of arranged it. 512 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,379 Well, I don't even think the stripper was that hot. 513 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,214 Do... do you guys think she was hot? 514 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,415 Kelly, don't do this. 515 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,683 Do what? I just asked you a question. 516 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,018 You know what you're doing. 517 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,153 Anyway, you know who was 518 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,554 totally flirting with Ben Franklin? 519 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,289 Pam. 520 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,657 Really? 521 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,492 Looks like I hired the right guy. 522 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,627 I'm glad. 523 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,228 Any real potential there, Beesly? 524 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,365 Yeah. Right. 525 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,834 God, I need a boyfriend. 526 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,869 Um... 527 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,005 You know, Ryan, I'm... I'm totally ready 528 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,407 to be set up with one of your business school friends. 529 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,675 Whenever. 530 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,010 'Kay. 531 00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:42,580 Oh, my God. 532 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,149 I would get so fat if I worked here. Yeah? 533 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,218 I lose my appetite all the time. 534 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,954 You could strip, you know. 535 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,323 Thanks. 536 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,991 So you don't want to end our relationship? 537 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,660 I'm closer to firing you. 538 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,129 That is so sweet. 539 00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,665 You are the best cheated girlfriend in the world. 540 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,866 Do you know that? 541 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,067 You are. I'll talk to you later. 542 00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,435 You are. 543 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,738 So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? 544 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,341 Ben Franklin. 545 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,910 And... Elizabeth, the stripper? 546 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,545 Gave me great advice. 547 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,380 Which rhymed. 548 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,118 Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin 549 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,486 can become president, 550 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,223 but someone like Elizabeth can't. 551 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,994 Are you nearsighted or farsighted? 552 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:29,994 Both. 553 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,964 That's why I invented the bifocals. Gaah!