1 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,681 It's kinda blurry. 2 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:21,153 That's better. 3 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,092 Question. 4 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,261 What kind of bear is best? 5 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,463 That's a ridiculous question. 6 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,265 False. Black bear. 7 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,800 Well, that's debatable. 8 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,702 There are basically two schools of thought... 9 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,071 Fact. Bears eat beets. 10 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,273 Bears. Beets. 11 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,775 Battlestar Galactica. 12 00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:45,611 Bears do not... What is going on? 13 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,112 What are you doing? 14 00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:49,114 Last week, I was in a drugstore, 15 00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,616 and I saw these glasses. 16 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,317 Uh, $4. 17 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,086 And it only cost me $7. 18 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,155 To recreate the rest of the ensemble, 19 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:59,058 and that's a grand total of... 20 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,393 $11. 21 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,628 You know what? 22 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,463 Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. 23 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,665 So I thank you. 24 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,700 Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! 25 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:12,071 Millions of families suffer every year! 26 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,672 Michael! 27 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:14,807 Oh, that's funny. 28 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,442 Michael! 29 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,142 Yes, I understand. 30 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,044 Can I transfer you to Customer Relations? 31 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:52,978 Absolutely. 32 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,746 I couldn't be more sorry about this. 33 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,515 I know, I know. 34 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,717 We're all trying to get to the bottom of this. 35 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,385 I am upset. Don't I sound upset? 36 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,055 I totally agree. 37 00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:06,892 Well, we're going to be recalling all of that paper. 38 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,393 We have a crisis. 39 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:11,396 Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill 40 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:14,233 decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark 41 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:18,470 on our 24-pound cream letter stock. 42 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,306 500 boxes has gone out 43 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,343 with the image of a beloved cartoon duck 44 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,712 performing... 45 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,715 unspeakable acts upon a... 46 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:33,452 certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. 47 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,487 I've never been a fan. 48 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,523 Everybody in here, STAT. 49 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,825 No time to lose. 50 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,895 Cry-Man Squaw, F and C, double time. 51 00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:44,663 Cry-Man Squaw? 52 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,998 Crisis Management Squad. 53 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,032 F and C, double time? 54 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,400 Front and center, 55 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,068 twice as fast as you would normally go. 56 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:50,068 Any other questions? One more. 57 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,505 Why are you talking like that? To save time, Jim. 58 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,040 Actually, I think you could make the argument 59 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:55,941 that it wastes time. 60 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,976 Yeah, she has a good point. 61 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,045 I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, 62 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,914 by the time you explained it, 63 00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:02,814 it actually took up more time. 64 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,449 You know what? Blah, blah, blah, blah. 65 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,585 Forget it. Where's Creed? 66 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,153 Creed, quality assurance. Here. 67 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,821 Your job. 68 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:13,425 I really think you screwed the pooch on this one, Creed. 69 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:16,662 Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy. 70 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,831 Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours 71 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,167 and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. 72 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,803 And, of course, the one year I blow it off, 73 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,072 this happens. 74 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,007 We have a lot of angry customers out there. 75 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,976 This puts us at threat level Midnight. 76 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:34,146 Accounting, you are on customer service duty today. 77 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,414 That's really not our job. 78 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,082 Midnight, Oscar! 79 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,551 Don't worry, Kelly will be training you first. 80 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,653 Kelly's training us? 81 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,822 This day is bananas. 82 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,624 B-A-N-A-N-A-S. 83 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,426 This day is bananas. 84 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,627 B-A-N-A... 85 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,832 I don't have a headache. 86 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,901 I'm just preparing. 87 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,037 Jim, big fire in your house. 88 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,139 Your client, Dunmore High School, 89 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,109 sent out their prom invitations on this paper. 90 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,478 - Went home to all the kids. - Yeah, I got a call out on them. 91 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,646 No, no, no. Not good enough. 92 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,047 This is a keystone account. 93 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,782 I want you in the school. In person. 94 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,017 - Sure. I want you to bring a partner. 95 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:12,017 - I'll go. No, sweet cheeks. 96 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,853 We need somebody who's actually made a sale. 97 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,088 Andy, you go. 98 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,456 William Dolittle, 99 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,991 at your service. 100 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,593 AKA, Will Do. 101 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,495 Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone. 102 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,430 No, no. I need two men on this. 103 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,932 That's what she said. No time! 104 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,767 But she did. No time! 105 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:28,767 Guys, get on this! 106 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:32,904 Dwight, I want you to be in charge of the press conference. 107 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,741 Yes! You're entering the "No Spin Zone." 108 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,609 We're having a press conference? 109 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,978 No, Pam, the press is just gonna find out by themselves. 110 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,581 Not. 111 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,548 Here's the thing. 112 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:43,548 When a company screws up, 113 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,551 best thing to do is to call a press conference. 114 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,621 Alert the media, and then you control the story. 115 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,924 Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. 116 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,960 That's what happened to O.J. 117 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,828 I have invited Barbara Allen, 118 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,097 one of our oldest clients, to come in here 119 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,000 and meet with me for a personal apology. 120 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,870 The press wants a story. I will give them a story. 121 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,972 Oh, did the press ask for a story? 122 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,707 Here is your headline. 123 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,678 "Scranton-area paper company, Dunder-Mifflin, 124 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,181 "apologizes to valued client. 125 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:19,084 "Some companies still know 126 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,920 how business is done." 127 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,121 Okay? 128 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,391 Battle stations, everybody. Let's go, go, go, go, go! 129 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,693 Yes, hello. 130 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,161 Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance. 131 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,029 Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton. 132 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,032 I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers 133 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,101 last week for a quality inspection, 134 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,837 and he or she wasn't there. 135 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,740 And I'm trying to remember who it was. 136 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,109 Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? 137 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,714 Debbie Brown. And which day was that? 138 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,583 Wednesday the 11th. Perfect. 139 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,219 The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. 140 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,755 I will do whatever it takes to survive. 141 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,891 Like I did... when I was a homeless man. 142 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,527 Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants 143 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,429 is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. 144 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:05,764 But guess what? 145 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,699 From now on, you guys are no longer losers. 146 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,901 So give yourselves a round of applause. 147 00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,305 I wonder how many phone calls you're missing 148 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:15,307 while you're teaching us to answer calls. 149 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,675 I know, right? Probably a lot. 150 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:17,876 Can you just tell us 151 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,044 what we need to do so we can go? 152 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,646 Okay, Angela. I love your enthusiasm. 153 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,849 All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say, 154 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,617 "Customer Service. This is Kelly." 155 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,652 Except don't say Kelly. Say your own name. 156 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,688 Or, if you're bored, you can just make up a name. 157 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,456 Like one time I said I was Bridget Jones, 158 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,924 and I talked like this 159 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,459 for the whole conversation. 160 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,460 Ooh, can I be... 161 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,762 Australian, mate? 162 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:37,963 Absolutely! 163 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,865 'Ello, mate. 164 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,534 I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend. 165 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,636 I like ice cream, too, mate. 166 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,738 Alli-gators 167 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,840 and dingo babies. 168 00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,511 Beer me. 169 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,745 What's that? 170 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,081 Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." 171 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,417 Gets a laugh, like, a quarter of the time. 172 00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,918 So how's what's-her-name? 173 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,586 You know her name. 174 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,854 Who, Karen? 175 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,790 Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends. 176 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,025 Mm. How's the apartment hanging? 177 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,794 It's fine. 178 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,796 Nice. 179 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,465 Check out this sunshine, man. 180 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,700 Global warming, right? 181 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:18,503 Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet. 182 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,373 What about music? Do you have any music? 183 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,575 Uh, yeah. Should have said so. 184 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,526 I was thinking more like a CD or... 185 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,161 a CD? 186 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,629 Your call, dude. 187 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,565 My girlfriend made an awesome mix. 188 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,933 Beer me that disc. 189 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,037 Lord, beer me strength. 190 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,040 So, Tuna, when we get in there, 191 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,741 let's do a really good job, okay? 192 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,810 Did that really need to be said? 193 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,946 Well, not everything a guy says needs to be said. 194 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,082 Sometimes it's just about the music of a conversation. 195 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,985 Whoa, what the... 196 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,153 why is my girlfriend here? 197 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,555 Oh, is she that teacher in the white? 198 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:14,693 No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef. 199 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,628 Which one is she? 200 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,996 The one in the green hoodie. 201 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,898 Wow! 202 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:20,966 I wonder if she's, like, 203 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,834 a guidance counselor or something? 204 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,835 No. 205 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,103 I don't think so. 206 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,938 - She's probably a tutor. - Nope. 207 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,206 - She's probably a te... - No. 208 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,541 - She's... - No. 209 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,546 Okay, press conference in 45. 210 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,214 Dwight, make sure this place looks nice. 211 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,549 On it. 212 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,554 Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam. 213 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:42,554 Center stage. 214 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,724 Pam, run a comb through your hair. 215 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,826 First rule in roadside beet sales: 216 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,828 put the most attractive beets on top. 217 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,796 The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 218 00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,932 "Wow, I need this beet right now." 219 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,867 Those are the money beets. 220 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,805 Hey! 221 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:01,840 Look sharp. 222 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,475 Hey, uh, hi. 223 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,943 Hello. Dwight Schrute. 224 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,245 And you must be, uh, from The Washington Post. 225 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,480 Scranton Times. 226 00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,015 Chad Lite. "Lighter Side of Life." 227 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,950 And "Breaking Corporate News." 228 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,919 And obits. 229 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,687 Oh, dear God. 230 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:15,687 Okay, here are your credentials. 231 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:19,991 You've been granted level 3 security clearance. 232 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,960 Don't get too excited. That's out of 20. 233 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,562 Right this way. 234 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,829 Regional Manager Michael Scott 235 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,565 will be addressing the client in the press room shortly. 236 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,267 Have a seat. Can I get you a beverage? 237 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,102 - Uh, yeah, I'd like a... - Great. 238 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,607 Oh, Andy, you know what? 239 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,242 We don't have a lot of time, 240 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,110 so we should probably... 241 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,779 - Jamie. - Andy... oh! 242 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,647 - What are you doing here? - Andy? 243 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,682 Are you a student here? 244 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,150 Oh... yeah. 245 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:48,987 You never told me you were in high school. 246 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,056 This is weird. 247 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,992 I gotta go to Spanish. 248 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,831 Oh, my God! 249 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,566 Oh my God. 250 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,805 I had no idea. 251 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,675 Well... that's not gonna hold up in court. 252 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,911 We didn't do anything illegal. 253 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:17,015 Except knock over a mailbox with her friends. 254 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,217 Sir, yes, you have a valid point. 255 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,219 I'm sorry. 256 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,589 No, I am so sorry. 257 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:25,890 Really? Dickson City. 258 00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,225 Excuse me? 259 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,227 Well, I don't see how that's our fault. 260 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:29,227 And I've already told you 261 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,564 the official position of Dunder-Mifflin is apologetic. 262 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,265 So I don't know what you want from me. 263 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,803 Okay, first I just wanna say 264 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:42,273 that you are doing so good. 265 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,043 Look, you have so many good qualities 266 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,312 that the one that you might wanna work on 267 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,848 is... apologizing? 268 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,119 When I went over Wednesday for the spot check, 269 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,221 I got a call from Debbie Brown 270 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,923 saying she has an emergency dentist appointment. 271 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,959 Emergency dentist appointment. 272 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,695 Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. 273 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,364 I'm a trusting guy, but, uh... 274 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,333 I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. 275 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,201 We would have caught this. 276 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:14,906 Yes. 277 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,741 I'll be sure someone returns your call. 278 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,110 I'm so sorry. Bye. 279 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,046 Hello. I'm looking for Michael Scott. 280 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,082 Mrs. Allen is our most important client. 281 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,117 Because every client 282 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,219 is our most important client. 283 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,656 Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really. 284 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:35,326 And so, with the eyes of the nation upon us, 285 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,395 I would like to say 286 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,964 that Dunder-Mifflin truly regrets 287 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,833 this unfortunate incident. 288 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,003 And, as a gesture of gratitude 289 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:48,606 for your continued loyalty, Mrs. Allen, 290 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:52,143 I would like to present you with this novelty check 291 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:56,314 for six months of free paper, or 25 reams, 292 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,116 whichever comes first. 293 00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,219 You look good in this. 294 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:05,290 So... let us consider this matter ended. 295 00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,027 Well, it isn't ended. 296 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,062 I'm... I'm very angry. I could have lost business. 297 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,199 I know. I know you're angry. 298 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:17,068 And we are truly, truly sorry. 299 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,671 I don't accept your apology. 300 00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,439 The watermark was obscene and horrifying. 301 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,775 Well... 302 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,877 we are extremely sorry. 303 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,579 I don't accept. 304 00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,219 I'll be with you in a moment. 305 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,287 Alright. 306 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,894 Who was that guy she was talking to... at here locker? 307 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,130 Not important. Because you're not dating her. 308 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,132 Because it's a felony. 309 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,234 But who was that guy? 310 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,270 Probably another high school student. 311 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,742 The issue with the watermark is very serious. 312 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:57,742 Absolutely. 313 00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,411 We teach our students that character counts. 314 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,247 And you should. 315 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,416 You don't teach it well enough. 316 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,852 One of your students is a bitch. 317 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:11,189 Andy is having a real rough day today. 318 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,958 I wanna take out an ad in your school yearbook. 319 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,326 Whole page, two words. 320 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,162 Good luck. 321 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,464 That's not what I had in mind. 322 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,466 Ask where he's from. 323 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,468 Where are you from? 324 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,203 Ohio? That's nice. 325 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,205 So what do you want? 326 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,407 He's upset about the watermark. 327 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:29,407 Ok, great. 328 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:32,110 Now tell him that it was an unfortunate error, 329 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,245 and we're doing everything we can do to fix it, 330 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,446 and that you're sorry. 331 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,782 It was an unfortunate error. We're fixing it. 332 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,017 And you already got your money back... 333 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,451 And you're sorry. 334 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,020 And the company has already apologized, 335 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,989 so you can take that apology or not. 336 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,460 I think he had Tourette's or something. 337 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:52,764 We are going to do everything humanly possible 338 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,999 to ensure that this never happens again. 339 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,734 Well, it doesn't help. 340 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,269 Because it already happened to me. 341 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,772 The watermark... it's a one-time thing. 342 00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,841 I don't care. It was disgusting! 343 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,242 Cartoon characters having sex? 344 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:08,012 May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual. 345 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,014 Both animals were smiling. - Okay. 346 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,549 I grew up on a farm. 347 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:15,153 I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. 348 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,189 Goat on chicken, chicken on goat. 349 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,191 Couple of chickens doing a goat. 350 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,993 Couple of pigs watching. 351 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:25,096 Whoever drew this got it exactly right. 352 00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,166 What... can I do for you? 353 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,102 For starters, I think that you should resign. 354 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,570 Well... 355 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,405 Okay. Well... 356 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,941 Um, wasn't really my fault. 357 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:39,010 The guys at the paper mill... You're the head... 358 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,078 It was a guy at the paper mills. No, no, no. 359 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:40,078 You're the head of the company! 360 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:44,082 I'm the head of the company? Yes, and that makes it your responsibility... 361 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,216 No, I'm a regional manager. 362 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:45,216 And you should lose your job! 363 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,353 Okay, this is insane. You can get out of here. 364 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,288 Get out! That's insane. Fine. 365 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,990 We'll give this to somebody who will appreciate it. 366 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,124 It's nontransferable. 367 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,425 Doesn't matter. Out, please! 368 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,027 I'm calling the Better Business Bureau. 369 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,429 Yeah, well, I'm calling the Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline! 370 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,635 Did you get all that? 371 00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,270 Everything. 372 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,109 We gotta do something. 373 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,012 This is spinning out of control, Pam. 374 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,113 This is just not... 375 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,048 It's just The Scranton Times. 376 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,517 No, then Newsweek picks it up. 377 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,886 And then CNN does a story about it. 378 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,821 And then... YouTube gets a hold of it. 379 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:23,821 You know what? 380 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,925 I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over 381 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,293 in, like, a week or two. 382 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,230 You're right. It will blow over. 383 00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:38,202 But it's not going to take... 384 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,938 a week or two. 385 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,106 Do you know what this is for? 386 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,142 Yes. 387 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,778 Michael likes me to run the camera 388 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,680 when he makes his apology videos. 389 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:51,950 He says he needs a woman's touch. 390 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,495 Okay, I think that's good. 391 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,464 "Hello, I am Michael Scott, 392 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,866 "Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton. 393 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:12,203 "By now, you are probably sick of hearing about 394 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,740 "Dunder-Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner. 395 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:19,210 "Let me tell you something. Something from the heart. 396 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,780 "I am not leaving this office. 397 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,615 "It will take a SWAT team 398 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,651 "to remove me from this office, 399 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,486 and maybe not even that." 400 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,054 Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team. 401 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,491 That's how devoted I am to this job. 402 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,792 - I'm just saying. - I know. 403 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,761 They would flank you, throw in a concussion grenade. 404 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,663 I understand that, Dwight. - You'd be on the ground... 405 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,064 Do you think you're taking it a little... 406 00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,133 literally, Dwight? 407 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,267 And now we're wasting tape. 408 00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,869 I'm gonna have to cut this all out. 409 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,004 Can you say "cut"... - Cut. 410 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,039 So I know where to... - Cut. 411 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,607 I'm asking Pam to do it, please. 412 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,676 Cut. Okay, ready? 413 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,712 Kevin, what's four plus seven? 414 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,814 Eleven. 415 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,182 Yeah, well, you didn't know that 416 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,918 when you filled out this payroll form. 417 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,888 Yeah, well, at least I didn't suck at customer relations. 418 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,790 Ooh, yes! 419 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,824 Facial! 420 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:07,792 Yes. 421 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,627 You two are apes. 422 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,263 I expect you to apologize for that, Angela. 423 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,132 I'm sorry. 424 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,667 That you're both morons. 425 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,102 But you still said, "I'm sorry." 426 00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,737 I called you morons. Still said it. 427 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,339 Still said it, so... 428 00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,816 Five, four, three. 429 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,085 "There is no way 430 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,020 "I will resign. 431 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,321 "It wouldn't be fair. 432 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,157 "Not to the good workers I work with, 433 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,859 "not to my clients, 434 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,861 "and especially not to me. 435 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,396 "Let's not forget 436 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,700 "who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. 437 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,336 "If I could leave you with one thought, 438 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,839 "remember... it wasn't me. 439 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,842 "They're trying to make me an escape goat. 440 00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,179 "If I am fired, I swear to God 441 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,949 "that every single piece of copier paper in this town 442 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,853 "is going to have the F-word on it. 443 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,089 The F-word." 444 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,891 You have one day. 445 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,194 One day for what? 446 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,930 That's... they always give an ultimatum. 447 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,798 Okay. 448 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,133 Good? Cut. 449 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,102 Cut. 450 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,637 That was your best apology video ever. 451 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,106 I thought so too. 452 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,241 Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. 453 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,843 I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. 454 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,744 Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. 455 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,113 She's got some children. 456 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,948 I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. 457 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,883 She got fired because of Dwight. 458 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:41,919 So I thought I'd pass around a good-bye card. 459 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,021 Maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks 460 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,824 to help her through these difficult times. 461 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:50,228 Why do bad things always happen to the good people? 462 00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,965 It's tragic. Just tragic. 463 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:00,471 You want music? 464 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,740 I don't care. 465 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,408 Come on, man. Just give it a couple days. 466 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,244 I think you'll be all right. 467 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,778 Yeah. 468 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,260 You know what? I-I don't... 469 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,883 Sweet. 470 00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:01,332 Pam? 471 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,834 Hey, Dwight. 472 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,903 You look really nice today. 473 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,872 Psh! I look like an idiot. 474 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,508 Hey, Karen. 475 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,976 Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp. 476 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,878 Yeah, that's 'cause I'm... 477 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,013 your boyfriend, Jim Halpert. 478 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,915 Hey, Karen, 479 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:17,915 wanna get together later 480 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:22,353 and have sexual intercourse, 'cause you're my girlfriend? 481 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,921 - Do you? - No. 482 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,790 - Okay. - I'm good. Thanks. 483 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,931 Look at that. 484 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,666 I'm Jim Halpert. 485 00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:39,203 Spot on. 486 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,105 Blah, blah, a little comment. 487 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,173 Yeah.