1
00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:41,645
You're falling behind.

2
00:00:48,295 --> 00:00:49,353
Wuphf.com.

3
00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:51,397
Ryan, we're doing a dance... This
is how you build a business.

4
00:00:51,465 --> 00:00:52,454
We're doing a dance.

5
00:00:52,532 --> 00:00:54,090
This is how you
make it in this country.

6
00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:17,755
Find out...
You got Creed.

7
00:01:17,824 --> 00:01:18,848
You jump in front of them.

8
00:01:18,925 --> 00:01:21,450
You make it so hard
to love you sometimes.

9
00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:22,790
Still behind.

10
00:01:22,863 --> 00:01:23,887
I'll take these.

11
00:01:23,964 --> 00:01:26,330
I said I didn't want
to be on the Internet!

12
00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:27,957
Go, go, go, go!

13
00:01:42,048 --> 00:01:43,276
Streamers!

14
00:01:50,123 --> 00:01:51,112
Dwight!

15
00:01:51,191 --> 00:01:52,488
Dwight, you got
to be kidding me!

16
00:01:52,559 --> 00:01:54,049
Are you crazy?

17
00:02:15,382 --> 00:02:17,179
Toby, how did we do?

18
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,218
Well, that was better.

19
00:02:19,286 --> 00:02:21,811
We did it! Yes!

20
00:03:01,728 --> 00:03:04,959
I suppose summer
had to end sometime.

21
00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:08,467
It's sad, though, because
 I had a great summer.

22
00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,299
I got West Nile virus.
Lost a ton of weight.

23
00:03:11,371 --> 00:03:13,339
Then I went back
to the lake.

24
00:03:13,406 --> 00:03:16,842
I stepped on a piece of
glass in the parking lot,

25
00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:18,002
which hurt.

26
00:03:18,078 --> 00:03:21,013
That got infected,
even though I peed on it.

27
00:03:22,182 --> 00:03:23,672
Saw Inception.

28
00:03:25,252 --> 00:03:27,345
Or at least
I dreamt I did.

29
00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:30,820
Broccoli Rob,
obviously, will be there.

30
00:03:30,891 --> 00:03:31,880
Yes, of course.

31
00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:34,222
And J.C.
We call him Blorville,

32
00:03:34,294 --> 00:03:36,762
because he looks like a
black Orville Redenbacher.

33
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,889
Who's the guy who
invented the peanut?

34
00:03:38,965 --> 00:03:40,125
Hey, guys.
Hey!

35
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,758
Hi. Hi.

36
00:03:41,835 --> 00:03:42,859
Sorry, didn't mean
to interrupt.

37
00:03:42,936 --> 00:03:43,925
Not at all.

38
00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:46,798
I'm gonna head
back to Siberia there.

39
00:03:51,177 --> 00:03:53,805
I started dating
Erin this summer.

40
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,179
It has been,
in a word, exquisite.

41
00:03:57,751 --> 00:03:59,218
Gabe is awesome.

42
00:03:59,286 --> 00:04:04,815
He has accomplished so much
career-wise and height-wise.

43
00:04:04,891 --> 00:04:06,290
Thank God he's my boss

44
00:04:06,359 --> 00:04:08,156
because I would
not have said yes

45
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:10,196
to a first date if
I didn't have to.

46
00:04:10,263 --> 00:04:13,027
But, it's been great.

47
00:04:13,099 --> 00:04:16,330
Am I angry that Gabe stole my
girlfriend over the summer?

48
00:04:16,403 --> 00:04:17,768
No.

49
00:04:17,837 --> 00:04:20,931
I've been through
anger management, okay?

50
00:04:21,007 --> 00:04:24,966
So right now I am sitting on
a nice beach at Cape Cod,

51
00:04:25,045 --> 00:04:27,377
gazing out across
the whitecaps.

52
00:04:28,682 --> 00:04:31,879
Oh, look,
it's a humpback whale.

53
00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:33,317
How pretty.

54
00:04:34,621 --> 00:04:36,248
He's eating Gabe.

55
00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:42,619
Hey.

56
00:04:43,496 --> 00:04:44,588
What are you doing?

57
00:04:44,664 --> 00:04:46,791
From now on, if you're
hot, sit on an ice pack.

58
00:04:46,866 --> 00:04:48,299
Well, what if
you're cold?

59
00:04:48,568 --> 00:04:51,662
Like you'd
ever be cold, Kevin.

60
00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:53,535
Stop asking me
hypothetical questions.

61
00:04:53,607 --> 00:04:54,869
I'm too busy.

62
00:04:54,941 --> 00:04:56,101
Hey, Dwight, I don't
know if you heard,

63
00:04:56,176 --> 00:04:58,201
but we're supposed to be
drinking out of weird backpacks

64
00:04:58,278 --> 00:05:00,542
instead of cups, like regular people.
Oh, you did hear.

65
00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:03,942
Jim, you have one job to do
and you do it forgettably.

66
00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:06,747
Those of us who are busy
require hands-free hydration.

67
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:09,550
Dwight Schrute, star
salesman, beet farmer.

68
00:05:09,623 --> 00:05:12,888
Bed and breakfast proprietor.
Aspiring freelance bodyguard.

69
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,689
Add to that list,
owner of this building.

70
00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:19,265
Then burn the list.

71
00:05:21,101 --> 00:05:25,037
This summer I did the Minority
Executive Training program at Yale.

72
00:05:25,105 --> 00:05:26,538
You guys, I'm, like,
really smart now.

73
00:05:26,606 --> 00:05:28,403
You don't even know.
You could ask me,

74
00:05:28,475 --> 00:05:30,409
"Kelly, what's the biggest
company in the world?"

75
00:05:30,477 --> 00:05:32,502
And I'd be, like,
"Blah, blah, blah,

76
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:34,137
"blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah,"

77
00:05:34,214 --> 00:05:36,648
giving you the exact
right answer.

78
00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:38,213
Coffee monkey's arrived.

79
00:05:38,752 --> 00:05:40,811
I thought the coffee was
supposed to be here at 9:00.

80
00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:43,015
Here you go, Big O.

81
00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:46,386
Tiny.

82
00:05:47,894 --> 00:05:49,486
Darryl Hanah.

83
00:05:51,197 --> 00:05:53,688
This says "decaf."
You got me decaf?

84
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,603
Ooh, yeah. Must have been
some sort of mix-up there.

85
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:03,639
You cool to just drink it, or
should I drive all the way back?

86
00:06:07,781 --> 00:06:11,774
Well, summer, I blew out
my knee playing softball.

87
00:06:11,851 --> 00:06:14,342
Ended up watching
CNN most of the time.

88
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,389
I don't know how we're gonna
get out of Afghanistan.

89
00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:18,481
I hate the new assistant.

90
00:06:18,558 --> 00:06:21,049
He's only been here for
a week and I hate him.

91
00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:24,119
The new guy sucks.
Calls me "The Nard man."

92
00:06:24,197 --> 00:06:27,291
I'm the "Nard dog," okay?
Nard man is my father.

93
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,661
My name is Luke Cooper.

94
00:06:29,736 --> 00:06:31,601
I love cinema.

95
00:06:31,671 --> 00:06:35,072
My favorite movies are Citizen
Kane and The Boondock Saints.

96
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:39,202
That kid is the worst.
Needs to be fired, Michael.

97
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,009
He's not the worst. Okay?
He's not the worst.

98
00:06:42,082 --> 00:06:43,106
You know who's
the worst?

99
00:06:43,316 --> 00:06:45,409
That intern we had a few years ago.
That guy.

100
00:06:45,485 --> 00:06:47,043
Remember?

101
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,849
That face,
how ugly he was?

102
00:06:48,922 --> 00:06:51,482
He was the worst.
Good worker, though.

103
00:06:51,558 --> 00:06:52,547
Mmm!

104
00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:54,716
It's not cappuccino.

105
00:06:54,794 --> 00:06:55,783
He messed yours up, too.

106
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,056
He's got to go, Mike.

107
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,654
It's just coffee, guys.

108
00:06:58,732 --> 00:07:00,757
But, yeah,
I'll look into it, okay?

109
00:07:04,104 --> 00:07:05,298
Wow, that's a lot of keys.

110
00:07:06,139 --> 00:07:07,868
The bigger the key chain,
the more powerful the man.

111
00:07:07,941 --> 00:07:09,875
That's right.
The janitor said that.

112
00:07:09,943 --> 00:07:11,205
By the way,
the raccoons are back.

113
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:12,266
Where?

114
00:07:12,679 --> 00:07:15,512
I think they run through these
panels and then down under the map.

115
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:17,709
I wouldn't know for sure 'cause
I don't have a trained ear.

116
00:07:17,784 --> 00:07:18,876
That's why I have
to use one of these.

117
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,283
Give me that.
Yep.

118
00:07:22,355 --> 00:07:24,186
Wait. And this.

119
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:26,492
Yes.
Go get 'em.

120
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,250
What happened to
me this summer?

121
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:29,386
Dwight bought
the building,

122
00:07:29,462 --> 00:07:33,421
so, actually, this has been the
busiest summer of my life.

123
00:07:46,746 --> 00:07:49,214
Hey, what's so
funny over here?

124
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:53,276
Ha! Very nice.
Give me my keys.

125
00:07:58,958 --> 00:08:00,687
Ha! Ha!

126
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,194
Not funny, Jim!

127
00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:06,923
Sorry.

128
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,024
Oh, no.
Don't worry about it.

129
00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:11,036
I was just gonna put a couple keys
on every day until Christmas.

130
00:08:11,104 --> 00:08:13,095
Then his pants
would have fallen down,

131
00:08:13,173 --> 00:08:14,265
which was a little
gift to me, but...

132
00:08:14,541 --> 00:08:15,769
It was really funny.

133
00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:16,999
Well, it would
have been.

134
00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,776
So unprofessional,
Mrs. Halpert.

135
00:08:22,282 --> 00:08:23,647
I love you.

136
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:26,715
Thanks.

137
00:08:26,786 --> 00:08:27,810
Luke.

138
00:08:28,555 --> 00:08:29,647
Luke!

139
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:31,614
What's up, Venus?

140
00:08:31,891 --> 00:08:34,792
Did you send those samples to
Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday?

141
00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:36,192
Because he didn't get them.

142
00:08:36,262 --> 00:08:39,595
Uh, if you asked me to do
it, I'm sure I did it.

143
00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:42,561
Yeah, strawberries
are ripe.

144
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:43,727
Hey.

145
00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:46,397
Turn off the Chumbawamba
and scram, twerp.

146
00:08:46,472 --> 00:08:48,235
All right.
You don't have to yell.

147
00:08:48,308 --> 00:08:49,673
Okay, rude.

148
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,002
Luke,

149
00:08:52,478 --> 00:08:55,106
I want you to go to
the supermarket for me.

150
00:08:55,381 --> 00:08:56,439
What for?

151
00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:58,416
To get some ice cream
for everybody.

152
00:08:58,484 --> 00:09:01,385
It's national
ice cream afternoon.

153
00:09:01,454 --> 00:09:03,354
Great.

154
00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:05,948
And another thing
I did this summer,

155
00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:08,921
I hired my nephew.

156
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:14,062
Having Luke here is a
pretty big deal for me.

157
00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:16,101
Because his mother,

158
00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:19,161
who also happens
to be my half sister,

159
00:09:19,239 --> 00:09:22,902
kind of cut me off from that side
of the family 15 years ago...

160
00:09:22,976 --> 00:09:25,001
Fourteen.

161
00:09:25,078 --> 00:09:29,242
The last time I saw Luke was the
opening day of Ace Ventura II,

162
00:09:29,315 --> 00:09:30,509
and that was '95.

163
00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:33,279
So, yes,
15 years on the dot.

164
00:09:36,322 --> 00:09:38,790
Anyway, I lost
him in a forest.

165
00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:40,921
"Don't bother Luke."

166
00:09:41,194 --> 00:09:43,094
Why is there a circle
with a line through it?

167
00:09:43,329 --> 00:09:44,557
That means don't.

168
00:09:44,631 --> 00:09:46,030
Haven't you seen
Ghost Busters, Pam?

169
00:09:46,299 --> 00:09:48,927
Yeah, but it's like you're
saying we should bother Luke.

170
00:09:49,168 --> 00:09:50,931
No, it...

171
00:09:51,738 --> 00:09:55,003
Yes, okay. Right.
All right, yep. My bad.

172
00:09:55,074 --> 00:09:56,473
I got it.

173
00:09:57,477 --> 00:09:58,739
Here we go.

174
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,171
Don't don't bother Luke.
Got it.

175
00:10:03,683 --> 00:10:05,913
Come on. Okay.

176
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:12,588
That's as clear
as I can make it.

177
00:10:12,759 --> 00:10:14,659
Hey, why can't we bother Luke?
He deserves it.

178
00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:16,319
Because I don't want it
getting back to Sabre

179
00:10:16,396 --> 00:10:17,556
that we're yelling
at assistants.

180
00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:19,097
I think it would
reflect poorly on us.

181
00:10:19,165 --> 00:10:20,996
Who's gonna tell
on us? Gabe?

182
00:10:22,468 --> 00:10:23,867
That'd be hilarious.

183
00:10:23,937 --> 00:10:26,997
"Jo, they're creating a hostile
work environment. Stop them."

184
00:10:27,073 --> 00:10:28,097
Nope, it won't be Gabe.

185
00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:30,074
But, actually, there is
somebody in the office

186
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:31,542
who is very,
very close to Luke.

187
00:10:31,945 --> 00:10:32,934
How close?

188
00:10:33,012 --> 00:10:34,274
Well, Dwight,
he wiped his butt.

189
00:10:34,347 --> 00:10:35,507
Is that close
enough for you?

190
00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,507
Yes. Of course.

191
00:10:38,584 --> 00:10:41,417
Guys, I think Michael
and Luke are related.

192
00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:42,613
No.

193
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,281
No, Toby. He's not.

194
00:10:45,825 --> 00:10:47,315
Yes, he is.
He's my nephew.

195
00:10:47,994 --> 00:10:49,325
What?
What?

196
00:10:49,629 --> 00:10:50,891
Luke is my nephew.

197
00:10:50,964 --> 00:10:52,056
Michael,
that's nepotism.

198
00:10:52,198 --> 00:10:54,257
Luke is getting special treatment
because he's your nephew.

199
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:57,360
Yes, exactly. That is a very
nice way of putting it, Oscar.

200
00:10:57,870 --> 00:11:01,271
Mixing family and business
is a beautiful thing.

201
00:11:01,374 --> 00:11:03,103
What's wrong with
a level playing field?

202
00:11:03,176 --> 00:11:05,838
Do you think they should
have had open auditions

203
00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:07,106
for the band Hanson?

204
00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:09,938
What if no one
named Hanson showed up?

205
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,415
That wouldn't
even make sense.

206
00:11:11,484 --> 00:11:15,978
Or what if they just hired the
littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy

207
00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:18,284
who was a murderer?

208
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:20,483
Really safe.

209
00:11:20,793 --> 00:11:23,023
Oh, man, so many
points being made.

210
00:11:23,463 --> 00:11:25,021
I couldn't care
less about nepotism.

211
00:11:25,398 --> 00:11:27,457
But I'm loving the debate.

212
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,694
Great minds battling it out.

213
00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:31,703
And I've got
a front row seat.

214
00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:35,065
God, when he needed help
on earth, who did he hire?

215
00:11:35,141 --> 00:11:36,472
Jesus Christ, his son.

216
00:11:36,642 --> 00:11:37,836
That's a really
tight argument.

217
00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:39,036
Thank you.
Yeah.

218
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:41,740
But you're comparing you
and Luke to God and Jesus.

219
00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:42,906
No. No.

220
00:11:42,982 --> 00:11:45,712
I'm just saying, why does God get
to do something that I don't?

221
00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:47,382
This is hypothetical.

222
00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:49,421
We're talking about Luke,
who happens to be terrible.

223
00:11:49,489 --> 00:11:52,287
Well, then, why aren't you bugging
me to fire everybody who's bad?

224
00:11:52,358 --> 00:11:55,122
You just want me to fire Luke.
That's reverse nepotism.

225
00:11:55,461 --> 00:11:58,328
He should not be punished
because he is related to me

226
00:11:58,398 --> 00:11:59,797
and bad at what he does!

227
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:01,991
I would just like to say something
off of what Darryl said

228
00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:03,467
about the level
playing field.

229
00:12:03,536 --> 00:12:05,868
That is actually
a zoning issue.

230
00:12:09,342 --> 00:12:10,741
So, thank you.

231
00:12:12,211 --> 00:12:13,838
If there's nothing
wrong with this, Michael,

232
00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:15,210
why have you been
keeping it a secret?

233
00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:19,684
Because I wanted you to come to me
and say, "Wow, he is so great."

234
00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:22,152
And I was gonna say,
"Well, it's in the genes."

235
00:12:22,255 --> 00:12:24,655
And I was actually
gonna be wearing jeans.

236
00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:25,816
And I'd point
to them, right?

237
00:12:25,892 --> 00:12:27,120
No. 'Cause you ruined it.

238
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,653
So, thank you very much.

239
00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:32,197
Here he comes.
Guys, look.

240
00:12:32,265 --> 00:12:36,031
I don't want you to treat him
like anyone else in the office.

241
00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:38,297
I just want you to treat
him like my nephew.

242
00:12:38,371 --> 00:12:40,032
- Hey, there he is.
- Hey!

243
00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:41,573
There he is!
Ice cream afternoon!

244
00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:44,942
Wait.

245
00:12:45,011 --> 00:12:48,344
Soy ice cream? Did you
get real ice cream?

246
00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:49,676
Or enough
for everyone?

247
00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:52,711
No, man.
There was no list.

248
00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:53,979
But I got bagel chips.

249
00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:56,317
Oh, my favorite part of an ice cream party.
The bagel chips.

250
00:12:57,323 --> 00:12:58,847
Clutch cream run, bro.

251
00:13:03,029 --> 00:13:04,621
Get whatever you want.
On me.

252
00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:07,295
You really think you can
make it up to me with food?

253
00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:09,095
I don't know.
That usually works.

254
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:12,194
I feel horrible for
blowing Jim's prank.

255
00:13:12,271 --> 00:13:15,035
I don't know if you can tell,
but he's mildly upset.

256
00:13:15,108 --> 00:13:16,541
And Dwight hasn't been
messed with in a while,

257
00:13:16,609 --> 00:13:18,873
so he's become a monster.

258
00:13:18,945 --> 00:13:20,435
I need to
make this right.

259
00:13:29,322 --> 00:13:31,586
I came down here to feed the
feral cats like I usually do,

260
00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:34,125
and I found something unsavory in
the back of your nephew's car.

261
00:13:34,193 --> 00:13:37,526
Okay, you know what? Just...
Just back off. Back off!

262
00:13:37,597 --> 00:13:40,430
Well, take a look. It's all the
packages he was supposed to overnight.

263
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,991
He never bothered
to send them.

264
00:13:43,069 --> 00:13:46,163
All right,
those might be his.

265
00:13:46,239 --> 00:13:47,570
He might own
an eBay Store.

266
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,733
Yep. That's exactly
what my first thought was.

267
00:13:49,809 --> 00:13:51,208
And then I remembered having
a conversation with him

268
00:13:51,277 --> 00:13:53,142
where he was like, "I don't
own an eBay Store." So...

269
00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:55,271
Okay, okay. You know what?
This is disgusting.

270
00:13:55,348 --> 00:13:56,781
This is like
a witch hunt.

271
00:13:56,849 --> 00:13:58,714
This is like The Blair
Witch Hunt Project.

272
00:13:58,784 --> 00:14:00,513
I'm sure those are
the expense reports

273
00:14:00,586 --> 00:14:02,178
that corporate was
waiting for yesterday.

274
00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:04,450
They are not. Let's just make
this kid open his damn car.

275
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:06,515
Oh, my gosh, those are the pants
you wanted to return to Talbots.

276
00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:08,856
I'm reconsidering sending
them back anyway.

277
00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:11,191
You get that kid
to open this car,

278
00:14:11,364 --> 00:14:13,662
or I'm gonna
do it myself

279
00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:15,030
by calling AAA.

280
00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:16,534
Wait a minute.
I'm in.

281
00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:18,565
Don't... All right.

282
00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:20,435
Well, okay.

283
00:14:20,506 --> 00:14:22,440
You've just
committed a felony.

284
00:14:22,508 --> 00:14:23,634
Yep, here they are.

285
00:14:23,809 --> 00:14:26,972
Yep, I just lost a client 'cause I
swore I sent these samples on time.

286
00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:28,172
This kid's costing
us sales, Michael.

287
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,148
I'm sorry, do you want to
try them on again to see...

288
00:14:32,251 --> 00:14:35,186
No, I know they fit.
It's not about the fit.

289
00:14:38,558 --> 00:14:39,991
Why is this my problem,
Michael?

290
00:14:40,059 --> 00:14:41,549
Because Gabe tattled.

291
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:44,289
I was perfectly happy
to just hide it from you.

292
00:14:44,363 --> 00:14:46,058
Those overnight packages
needed to go out,

293
00:14:46,132 --> 00:14:48,066
and Michael refuses to hold
the guilty party accountable.

294
00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:49,666
Lower yourself, Gabe.

295
00:14:49,735 --> 00:14:52,260
I don't wanna be having a
conversation with your crotch.

296
00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:57,307
Okay, now educate me
why you won't fire the boy.

297
00:14:57,777 --> 00:14:58,937
You don't have
all the facts.

298
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:01,011
Which are?
I love him.

299
00:15:01,881 --> 00:15:05,112
Oh, God.
How far has it gone?

300
00:15:06,419 --> 00:15:08,887
No. No. He's my nephew.

301
00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:11,817
Well, I got a nephew, too,
but he don't work for me.

302
00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:14,485
You know why?
'Cause he's a screw-up.

303
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,028
He can swim in my pool,
but he can't come in my house.

304
00:15:17,163 --> 00:15:21,031
Well, this office is my pool
and my house is my house,

305
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,263
and I just want my nephew
to work in my pool.

306
00:15:24,337 --> 00:15:27,397
If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna
hold you accountable for him.

307
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,733
You're on the hook for this kid.
You got that? Mmm-hmm.

308
00:15:30,009 --> 00:15:31,636
Cover his ass
like tighty-whiteys.

309
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:34,839
I will cover his ass like moss
on a Mississippi tree stump.

310
00:15:35,414 --> 00:15:37,143
Was how I put it
not clear enough?

311
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:39,241
I mean, you had to go and
make up your own saying?

312
00:15:39,352 --> 00:15:40,341
Okay.

313
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,477
Deal with it, boys.

314
00:15:42,989 --> 00:15:48,791
Luke and I have been working side
by side as master and commander.

315
00:15:48,861 --> 00:15:50,658
Me as master,
he as commander.

316
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,595
Occasionally,
he'll need a little push.

317
00:15:52,665 --> 00:15:57,159
And I will do that, and he'll slow
down, and then I'll push him again.

318
00:15:57,236 --> 00:15:59,204
That's the thing with kids.
You have to keep pushing.

319
00:15:59,272 --> 00:16:01,638
You have to push them
until they push you back,

320
00:16:01,707 --> 00:16:02,901
and then you
push some more.

321
00:16:02,975 --> 00:16:06,911
It's all about give and take, but
mostly it's about pushing each other.

322
00:16:08,014 --> 00:16:09,606
Oh, yeah.

323
00:16:09,682 --> 00:16:11,081
This will be easy.

324
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,482
So just, like, rearrange
the buttons and stuff.

325
00:16:13,686 --> 00:16:16,587
Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses
"door close," the doors open.

326
00:16:16,656 --> 00:16:18,248
Or he presses "lobby,"
it goes to third floor.

327
00:16:18,324 --> 00:16:19,621
Stuff like that.
Can you do that?

328
00:16:19,725 --> 00:16:22,717
Yeah. Let me take a look
at the circus board.

329
00:16:23,162 --> 00:16:26,222
Dwight is about
to get so Pammed.

330
00:16:26,966 --> 00:16:29,059
Hey, did you
SMSitext message me?

331
00:16:29,135 --> 00:16:31,569
Yeah, I wanted to show you
something in the lobby. Come on.

332
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:41,237
Okay, that's weird. I was just
hitting "door close." What?

333
00:16:41,514 --> 00:16:43,038
There we go.
Well...

334
00:16:43,115 --> 00:16:44,104
Good.

335
00:16:44,183 --> 00:16:45,514
Is this elevator going up? Hmm?

336
00:16:46,385 --> 00:16:48,876
Hey, the elevator
is disobeying us!

337
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:54,719
Okay. Okay. We are stuck.
We are stuck.

338
00:16:55,061 --> 00:16:57,552
Hank! Hank!
Can you hear us?

339
00:16:57,630 --> 00:16:59,257
Oh, my God. Okay.
Emergency protocol.

340
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:01,459
Okay, just...
Just... Just calm down.

341
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:04,435
Pam, try and pry open those
front doors, immediately.

342
00:17:04,503 --> 00:17:07,165
I don't... Use your talons!
Pry 'em open!

343
00:17:07,239 --> 00:17:09,173
Okay, Dwight...
Oh, my God!

344
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:10,333
Well, don't look, freak!

345
00:17:10,409 --> 00:17:12,172
Dwight, what are you doing?
Well...

346
00:17:12,311 --> 00:17:14,211
We've only been in here
for, like, two seconds.

347
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,180
I got 56 ounces of
fluid in my bladder!

348
00:17:16,248 --> 00:17:18,239
And we have to establish
a pee corner.

349
00:17:18,317 --> 00:17:20,478
You've got to
be kidding me.

350
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,651
Luke is going to use his laser
pointer to point to account setup.

351
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:28,091
You click on that first, then a
whole new... Not... No, no, no.

352
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,787
Luke, come on. Come on.

353
00:17:29,862 --> 00:17:31,727
Not on Oscar's head.

354
00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:33,788
All right.
Luke, come on.

355
00:17:33,999 --> 00:17:34,988
Stop it.

356
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,227
What? I'm stopping it.
That's what you said.

357
00:17:36,535 --> 00:17:38,628
Give me the pointer.

358
00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:39,830
So you just
want me to move it.

359
00:17:39,905 --> 00:17:40,997
You're being
totally unclear here.

360
00:17:41,073 --> 00:17:43,064
I'm just gonna go ahead and move it.
No, just power it down.

361
00:17:43,142 --> 00:17:45,508
No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob.
Come on. Come on.

362
00:17:45,678 --> 00:17:46,804
Luke, seriously.

363
00:17:46,879 --> 00:17:49,074
All right, fine, fine.
I'll just go. Okay.

364
00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:51,981
I'm gone.
All right. Okay.

365
00:17:52,051 --> 00:17:53,109
Good job.

366
00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:54,547
Okay, email accounts.

367
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,349
So, we're starting
with account setup.

368
00:17:56,422 --> 00:17:58,856
Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball?
Yes.

369
00:17:58,924 --> 00:18:00,016
I think he's
burning my eye.

370
00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:01,387
Michael,
do something.

371
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,121
Sack up, man. You
have to stop this.

372
00:18:03,229 --> 00:18:04,287
Luke, can I have that?
No.

373
00:18:04,363 --> 00:18:07,491
Okay, I am going to
count down from five.

374
00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:08,624
Five.
Five.

375
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:09,690
Four.
Four.

376
00:18:09,769 --> 00:18:11,236
I'm not kidding.

377
00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:12,395
Three.
Three.

378
00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:13,529
Two.
Two.

379
00:18:13,606 --> 00:18:15,164
One. Give... Okay.

380
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,038
All right, give it up.
No!

381
00:18:17,109 --> 00:18:20,601
You are going to learn to
be more professional, Luke!

382
00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:21,702
What the...

383
00:18:21,781 --> 00:18:24,375
That's what you're
going to do, Luke!

384
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:25,678
What the hell was that?

385
00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:27,548
I had to do that.

386
00:18:29,388 --> 00:18:30,685
This!

387
00:18:31,023 --> 00:18:32,820
Screw it! All right.
Are we good?

388
00:18:35,361 --> 00:18:37,352
You're okay.

389
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,761
He's okay.

390
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:45,726
There are many different schools
of thought on capital punishment.

391
00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:47,568
That was awesome.

392
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,871
Texas justice.

393
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:51,773
Yeah, your nephew
is so lame.

394
00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:54,870
He's been trashing us
relentlessly on Twitter.

395
00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:57,381
Yeah, it's funny
stuff, but mean.

396
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:59,441
You follow him
on Twitter?

397
00:18:59,518 --> 00:19:02,248
Everywhere I look, it's Betty
White this and Betty White that.

398
00:19:02,321 --> 00:19:05,188
Finally, a kid who's not
talking about Betty White.

399
00:19:05,257 --> 00:19:06,656
Of course I follow him.

400
00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:10,224
Michael, you just physically
assaulted an employee.

401
00:19:10,296 --> 00:19:11,558
Can we talk in private?

402
00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:15,390
Yes, of course. What is
this in reference to?

403
00:19:18,571 --> 00:19:19,663
Pam?

404
00:19:19,738 --> 00:19:21,000
Oh, hey, Jim.

405
00:19:21,073 --> 00:19:24,770
Some prankster switched the
elevator buttons on Dwight.

406
00:19:24,844 --> 00:19:25,868
I did not do this.

407
00:19:25,945 --> 00:19:26,934
I know.

408
00:19:30,683 --> 00:19:34,016
Yeah, and it was going really
great at first. I got video.

409
00:19:35,354 --> 00:19:36,412
This is impressive.

410
00:19:36,889 --> 00:19:38,288
Well, you know,
they don't call me

411
00:19:38,357 --> 00:19:39,881
"The Bart Simpson of
Scranton" for nothing.

412
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:42,658
Do they call you that?
They do call me that.

413
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:44,394
Come on, give me your hand.
I'll help you down.

414
00:19:44,630 --> 00:19:46,791
Nope. Scared of
getting cut in half.

415
00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:47,924
Also, there's
pee on the floor.

416
00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:49,291
Oh.

417
00:19:49,368 --> 00:19:52,064
Of course there is.
Hey, Chinese tonight?

418
00:19:52,471 --> 00:19:53,836
Yeah.
All right.

419
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,903
How you doing?
Pretty good.

420
00:19:57,510 --> 00:19:58,670
You must be
almost out of water.

421
00:19:59,211 --> 00:20:02,510
Stop drinking
the water! Stop!

422
00:20:06,952 --> 00:20:08,943
No, no, no, no. It's the
other hand, right hand.

423
00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:10,010
Right hand?
Yeah.

424
00:20:10,089 --> 00:20:11,784
Would have been nice to
work with my family.

425
00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:15,657
It would have been nice if Luke
had been able to stay here.

426
00:20:15,728 --> 00:20:16,990
But he couldn't.

427
00:20:17,062 --> 00:20:19,360
These things
seldom work out.

428
00:20:19,431 --> 00:20:21,899
I don't know how
Ringling Brothers do it.

429
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:24,765
Night after night, town after
town, all across America.

430
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,963
You would think they'd be
sick of each other by now,

431
00:20:27,039 --> 00:20:30,065
but, clearly,
they make it work.

432
00:20:30,142 --> 00:20:31,439
And my hat's off to them.

433
00:20:34,547 --> 00:20:35,605
Hey! Whoa!

434
00:20:35,681 --> 00:20:37,012
You...
Hey.

435
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:38,743
Dwight.
Dwight...

436
00:20:40,185 --> 00:20:41,311
Stop!

437
00:20:42,621 --> 00:20:45,021
Legal says the best way to
protect us from a lawsuit

438
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,456
is to call this a stress
induced outburst.

439
00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:48,882
Mmm-hmm.

440
00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:51,861
You will have to undergo six
sessions of counseling.

441
00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:53,858
That's it? Really?

442
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,295
That's nothing.
All right.

443
00:20:57,369 --> 00:20:59,269
That's highway
robbery. Good.

444
00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:00,999
Well, that's the spirit.
I can do that.

445
00:21:01,073 --> 00:21:02,870
And you will do your
counseling right here

446
00:21:02,942 --> 00:21:05,342
because our HR staff are
all certified counselors.

447
00:21:05,411 --> 00:21:08,039
Okay. Wait, what?

448
00:21:09,181 --> 00:21:12,116
Yeah, I'm really looking forward
to working with you, Michael.

449
00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:15,110
Is there another option?

450
00:21:17,156 --> 00:21:18,714
The alternative
is termination.

451
00:21:24,930 --> 00:21:26,158
Michael?