1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,919
Erin, hey

2
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,839
In two minutes, I want you
to come into this meeting

3
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,466
and tell me that I have a
really important phone call

4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,802
I'm not going
to take it

5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:14,596
because I want him to know how
important the meeting is to me

6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,391
Who's calling?
Nobody

7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:21,645
Just say that I'm... Just make
it up that I have a phone call

8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,397
And then I'm going
to refuse to take it

9
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,690
You're not going
to take it?

10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:25,733
Just make up
a phone call.

11
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,026
It's not
a real call

12
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,193
Just make it up

13
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,820
Oh, okay. And then
come in and tell me.

14
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,946
Okay

15
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,072
It doesn't matter
what it is.

16
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,198
You're not going
to get it, though.

17
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,241
I'm not going
to take it.

18
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,659
And then he's
going to be like

19
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:37,161
"Wow, this is a really
important meeting."

20
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,121
Copy that.
Okay

21
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,124
Okay, so

22
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,918
tell me exactly
what kind of deal

23
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,464
you are getting right now and
I'll tell you how we can beat it

24
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,215
Well, we've been
going with

25
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,300
Andy?

26
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,384
Yeah?

27
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,469
You have a very
important call

28
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,055
I'm sorry, I'm with a very important
client It'll have to wait

29
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,682
Are you sure? It's
really, really important

30
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:03,812
There is nothing more important
to me right now than this meeting

31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,566
Really? Because
your mother is dead

32
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,655
Oh, my God

33
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,075
I don't think she's dead

34
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,328
She's dead.
She was hit by a bus

35
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,955
She's not dead
This is exactly

36
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,874
the kind of thing
my mom pulls

37
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,835
This isn't one of those
times It's the police

38
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,005
They said it's the worst
they've ever seen

39
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,508
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother

40
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,010
My deepest
condolences

41
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:40,724
You must take
this call. It's...

42
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,353
Yeah, line one?

43
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,729
Line two

44
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,147
Okay

45
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,901
Hi
It's Darryl.

46
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,278
Erin told me to pretend to be
a cop and say your mom died.

47
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,530
Oh

48
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,448
Gosh

49
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,950
Dude.
Thank you, Officer

50
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,535
Look, man,
this is a bad idea.

51
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,120
Did she have
any last words or

52
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,080
Really?
That is messed up, man.

53
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:07,543
Make sure that your client
gets the best deal possible

54
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:08,919
You're a bad man,
Andy Bernard.

55
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,754
That is so Mom That stuff
can come back and get you.

56
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,631
It's called karma. You do
not want to be messing...

57
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:13,882
All right
but thank you, Officer

58
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,217
I've got an uncle...

59
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,347
Erin, please hold
all my other calls

60
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,393
Where were we?

61
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,333
Hey, Cathy
Hi

62
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,751
How's it going?
Everything make sense?

63
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,211
I think everything
is under control.

64
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,754
Great
You should sit down.

65
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,173
No, I'm fine

66
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,674
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork

67
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,176
Okay

68
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,098
That was just me
Pregnant Pam

69
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,434
And I make sounds
much worse than this

70
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,977
We know

71
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,691
I'm training a temp to be my replacement
while I'm on maternity leave

72
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,360
I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant

73
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,322
You probably
didn't notice because

74
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,741
it's impossible to tell
because I'm so small

75
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,910
But yeah, I'm pregnant

76
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,746
Oh, come on

77
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,081
Hey. Asking for a friend

78
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,209
do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?

79
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,753
Doubt it

80
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,796
Yeah. Me, too

81
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,716
You doubt it?

82
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,967
What's that?

83
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,886
Why do you doubt
that she's single?

84
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:45,307
Honestly, I have no idea I just figured
we'd save her from Ryan, right?

85
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,481
What are you
doing with my lunch?

86
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,399
I'm delivering it
from the fridge

87
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,902
It's like a porno. "Hey,
did anybody order a pizza?'

88
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,654
It's not pizza

89
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,322
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.

90
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,657
I just thought
maybe you'd want

91
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,033
to eat lunch at
your desk today

92
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:05,118
so that during lunch
we could go down

93
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,246
to the warehouse and
bang out a few tunes

94
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,498
I like the sound of that
Is Kevin here?

95
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,334
You tell me

96
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,717
So word on the street
is she has a boyfriend

97
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,762
Well, he's probably
a drug dealer

98
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,597
That's the best way to
land a hot girlfriend.

99
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,516
You just
You get her hooked on blow

100
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,936
It's going to be nice
to have just like a

101
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,522
healthy, young, fit presence
in the middle of the office.

102
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,606
Yes, aesthetically
speaking, strictly

103
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,649
Yeah

104
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,150
She adds a nice presence
- Good energy.

105
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,944
Yeah, it's going to
be nice to have

106
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,654
someone hot at
Pam's desk, huh?

107
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,948
No, no. Not even

108
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,574
I'm kidding

109
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,995
Oh, my gosh, you guys She's
obviously super cute. I get it.

110
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,622
But I'd like to point
out there is 50 pounds

111
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,666
more of me to love
if that's your thing

112
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,084
Pam, you look more
beautiful now than ever

113
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:55,252
Radiant

114
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,671
Thank you, guys. Really,
thank you very sweet.

115
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,798
Yeah, you have
this sexy glow.

116
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,259
Well, it's one of
the most common fetishes

117
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,469
Really? Well,
thank you all

118
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,930
You know, it's not just pregnant
women who don't get their due

119
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,557
You know who's gorgeous?

120
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,891
Helen Mirren
Yes

121
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,978
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini? Amazing

122
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,981
What would be the hottest thing
ever is a pregnant Helen Mirren

123
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,357
Ooh

124
00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:23,280
Okay, okay.
Okay, no, no, no.

125
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,615
This is disgusting. Do you
realize what you're saying?

126
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,119
The hottest thing ever would be
a 66-year-old pregnant woman?

127
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,121
In this case, yes
No

128
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:35,584
There are universal biological
standards of beauty and attraction

129
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,837
And you are purposefully
celebrating the opposite of them

130
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,881
to mollycoddle
a pregnant woman

131
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,090
No, we're not. No

132
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:43,258
Yes, you are

133
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,095
And another thing Helen Mirren
was born Helen Mironoff

134
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:51,016
That's right, you're fake salivating
over a Soviet-era Russian

135
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,657
Nice scatting, man

136
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:11,036
Thank you. I think I said "doop"
instead of "boop" at one point

137
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,413
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look

138
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,290
Hey, screw you

139
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,127
Hey, Robert.
Are we meeting early?

140
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,088
Just taking a stroll

141
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,882
What exactly have
I stumbled upon here?

142
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,676
Well, we're all musicians and
we play together sometimes.

143
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,095
You're a band?

144
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,304
Thank you

145
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,890
We're called
Kevin and the Zits

146
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,892
That was never agreed upon

147
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,644
I miss being in a band

148
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,146
Miss no more
What do you play? Join us

149
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,065
I have a tambourine

150
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,984
Tambourine? You know
I'm the CEO, right?

151
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,071
CEOs don't play tambourines
Tambourines are for girlfriends.

152
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,907
I play harmonica. I think
I have one in the car

153
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:50,742
Great
Nice.

154
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,246
Guys, Robert is
going to be a zit.

155
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,790
Again, never agreed upon

156
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,376
I had totally given up on hanging
out with Robert California

157
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,670
and now he wants
to be in our band

158
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,130
And when you're in
a rock and roll band

159
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,548
with somebody,
you're bonded for life

160
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,342
Usually that life
is short and tragic

161
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,302
That's okay, right?

162
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,846
Yeah, even cooler

163
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,348
We all got to
go sometime

164
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,309
Hey
Hey

165
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,061
Helen Mirren. Hot?

166
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,772
Yeah. Super pretty

167
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,898
Huh

168
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,692
What about Cathy?

169
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,901
The temp?

170
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,028
Yeah, do you think she's hot?
Nope

171
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,322
I'm not asking
if you're into her

172
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,450
Just objectively,
do you find her attractive?

173
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,034
I'm telling you I don't

174
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,162
You don't find
Cathy attractive?

175
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,705
No, I don't

176
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,417
No, I'm not going to tell my
nine months pregnant wife

177
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,420
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.

178
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,172
Just like I'm not going to
tell my 2-year-old daughter

179
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,341
that violent video games
are objectively more fun

180
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,678
It's true but it
doesn't help anybody

181
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,805
Look at her

182
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,184
Even I want some
fries with that shake

183
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,689
Okay. I don't.
So are we good?

184
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,029
That's just absurd

185
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,864
Yes, because
she's hot, right?

186
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,866
Her breasts are large
her waist is small,

187
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,659
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.

188
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,578
Facial symmetry, come on

189
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,707
The thing about pregnancy is
people treat you differently.

190
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,959
Like you're
a kid, almost.

191
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,961
They lose all
sense of boundaries.

192
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:29,257
They start acting weird, telling you
things that clearly aren't true.

193
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,093
I know it sounds nuts
but I think Dwight

194
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,721
is the only one who's
telling me the truth.

195
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,933
Dwight, am I hot right now?

196
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,435
Why would I or anyone else think
that you're hot right now?

197
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,270
I can't impregnate you
and that's the driving

198
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,189
force between
male-female attraction

199
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,608
What about before?
Was I attractive before?

200
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,026
Eh.

201
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,571
You were at your most attractive when you
were 24 with a slight gradual decline.

202
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,032
And a steep drop off when you got
pregnant for the first time.

203
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,617
Gradual recovery and

204
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,246
Well, now obviously
you're at an all-time low

205
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,790
Hmm

206
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,128
I think Jim's lying to me about
not being attracted to Cathy

207
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,882
You think Jim's lying?
That's so cute

208
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,551
I know he's lying

209
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:13,885
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it

210
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,053
Done

211
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,556
I never touch
a pregnant woman

212
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,349
Yeah, that's
the Dwight I need

213
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,436
If we're going to work together,
we need some ground rules

214
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,563
Okay

215
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,857
Rule one, our only
loyalty is to the truth

216
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,193
I think so. Okay

217
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,945
Rule two,
we stop at nothing

218
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,323
What is that...
Is it... Well, okay

219
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,575
Rule three

220
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,201
Don't fall in love

221
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,369
Yup. Good

222
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,746
We're going to
bust this guy

223
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,456
Honesty is very
important to me

224
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,043
So important And then we
will destroy the man himself

225
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,046
Let's just see how we fee
when we get there.

226
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,841
Well, you came to
the right person.

227
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,759
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam

228
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,761
You don't want to end up
like Elin Nordegren

229
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,556
Actually, what am I saying? You wish
you had her life. No offense, Pam.

230
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,558
None taken
What have you got?

231
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,978
It is called the Matchmaker
Test and it is very powerful

232
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,980
Basically, we have Pam
ask Jim which

233
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,940
of his friends he would
set up with Cathy

234
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,942
If Jim picks
a really hot friend

235
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,028
then we know
he thinks that Cathy's hot

236
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,364
Hmm

237
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,626
Hey, you found us

238
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,461
You guys sound
great, man.

239
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:33,340
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is
Curtis Dorough local musician,

240
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,091
and the officiate
at my wedding.

241
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,926
Local musician?

242
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,845
Local legend.
I used to come hear you

243
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,805
play every week
at the Deerhead

244
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,682
Dude, you're on TV

245
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,310
You're the sportscaster
on Channel Seven.

246
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,020
Go, Eagles

247
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,688
You do that on TV

248
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,190
You guys mind
if they join us?

249
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,025
No.
Yeah, sure

250
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,944
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here

251
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,404
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?

252
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,739
Yeah?

253
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,948
Okay, this is awesome

254
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,241
What shall we play?

255
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,410
Maybe we should warm up
with some scales?

256
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,120
Midnight Rambler?
Yeah.

257
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,164
Midnight what?

258
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,341
Have you heard about
the midnight rambler?

259
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,639
Hey, this is crazy

260
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,047
Hey, I was talking to Cathy
Turns out she is single.

261
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,675
Oh, I stand corrected

262
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,511
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone

263
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:02,929
Any ideas?

264
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,890
Oh. You know who might be good?
Mike Tibbets.

265
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,059
Mike Tibbets, really?

266
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,477
Hey, who's this
Mike Tibbets guy?

267
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,979
What kind of
car does he drive?

268
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,440
Not his mom's car

269
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,984
Yeah, because his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan Z.

270
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,487
Touché?

271
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,658
Kelly, calm down

272
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,243
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair

273
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,162
Okay, you should see
if he'll get hair plugs

274
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,705
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair

275
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,206
Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay?

276
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,458
It's called
being a nice person

277
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,751
I don't see what's
so ugly about him

278
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,461
He's got the broad
face of a brewer

279
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,671
Jim's on to me
Hmm?

280
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,340
Yeah, Jim barely
talks to Mike.

281
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,800
We had to go through
like two levels

282
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,260
of friends to even
find his profile.

283
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,430
Jim picked someone
just unattractive

284
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,849
enough to shut me up
without tipping it

285
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,602
Just ugly enough
to have deniability

286
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,145
Yup

287
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,523
Mike Tibbets is like the most
boring looking guy I know.

288
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,611
So if that was for the Matchmaker
Test, I think I'm in the clear

289
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,656
If that wasn't for
the Matchmaker Test then

290
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,825
Cathy, he's a really
nice guy.

291
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,702
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words

292
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,579
but he can't
lie with his body

293
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,290
I'm going to write
something mean on his wall

294
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,958
No, Kelly, don't

295
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,376
The male reveals attraction

296
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,630
through unconscious and
involuntary physical signs.

297
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,590
The puffing of the chest

298
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:21,716
Mirroring

299
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,219
Increased blood flow
to the crotch

300
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,888
I say we start there

301
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,056
With the crotch?
With the crotch?

302
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,058
With the crotch

303
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:44,989
Whoo

304
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:47,951
Psst

305
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,661
We're not here.
Who said that?

306
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,120
Exactly

307
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,664
How'd I get
this long triangle?

308
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,082
Okay, just shut up

309
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,751
Is he puffing out his chest?

310
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,920
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken

311
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,259
Busted. He just was
mirroring. Did you see that?

312
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,553
No. Maybe he just
said something funny

313
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,806
Jim has no discernible sense of
humour, Pam. You should know that.

314
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,891
I think he's just
making her laugh

315
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,685
Time for me to find out

316
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,815
Why is he making
her laugh so much?

317
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,692
Just going to
walk over here. Whoa

318
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:24,320
I'm slipping and falling! I'm stumbling.
I need something to grab onto

319
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,363
Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine

320
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:26,698
Dwight! Dwight
I'm totally fine

321
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:27,782
Yes?

322
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,826
What? Jim?

323
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,119
Sorry about that

324
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,580
Cramp. I'm just
Dwight

325
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,749
Why?

326
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,752
I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. Balance

327
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,179
Leave

328
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,977
Does your husband
ever have soft erections?

329
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:59,731
Because if not I just grabbed
a very soft penis for nothing

330
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,775
Why was he making
her laugh so much?

331
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,782
Hey, I'll just be a second

332
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,659
Yeah, take your time
Okay.

333
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,039
That line from Zoolander.
Mmm-hmm?

334
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,791
It was from a deleted scene
so we were both right

335
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,126
Told you

336
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:23,922
Do I hand in
my expense reports

337
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,381
to a particular
accountant or

338
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,175
Oscar, Cathy
has a question

339
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,053
Sorry, I'll just
go ask Oscar

340
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,768
Yeah?
You okay?

341
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,770
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?

342
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,146
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it

343
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,023
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?

344
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,652
Well, Dwight had this idea and
I thought it was kind of crazy

345
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,362
but maybe that's
where we are now

346
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:52,533
She called it crazy? Man

347
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,327
That's insulting
All I did was

348
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,079
propose a makeshift
lie detector test.

349
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,039
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse

350
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,958
perspiration and
breathing rate.

351
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,711
Yeah, it's nuts But I don't
know what else to do

352
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,089
And she called it nuts?

353
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,383
Seriously,
that was hot

354
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,885
Feel like you and the
newsman had a groove going

355
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,221
Did you know that Lisa
toured with Chaka Khan?

356
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,889
Are you serious?

357
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,432
From Star Trek?

358
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,059
Hey, you caught
some of that?

359
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,435
I caught it

360
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,478
What, you don't like the Blues?

361
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,814
I might enjoy seeing
you guys play the Blues

362
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:23,982
Well, we are playing

363
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,651
We're all playing together.
These are our jam buddies

364
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,404
It's a jam session We go
where the music takes us

365
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,907
I think the music
left without you.

366
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,706
Come on
Stop shoving me

367
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,750
"Stop shoving me Stop
grabbing my penis.' Grow up.

368
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,503
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.

369
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,550
When it lies, the human body
exhibits many telltale signs.

370
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,553
Really?
This could all go away

371
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,513
if you just
tell me the truth

372
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,473
Are you all in line?

373
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,268
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?

374
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,104
Now I'm going to ask you
just a few simple questions

375
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,482
Wait for this to
constrict. Here we go

376
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,192
Is your name Jim Halpert?

377
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,777
Sì.

378
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,698
Wait, that's it? That's the
question you're going to ask him?

379
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,241
We have to start
with a baseline question

380
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,659
to establish
what the truth is

381
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:20,038
You have to share
the machine with others

382
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,123
Well, that's
what they taught me

383
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,750
in my 19th
century kindergarten

384
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,544
Okay, Dwight, come on
You can go first.

385
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,546
Jim, are you serious?

386
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,428
You know what? This reminds me,
Cece needs a new toothbrush

387
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,400
Maybe we could
switch instruments

388
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,860
Yeah

389
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:53,196
'Cause my body's
starting to get bruised

390
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,657
Yeah, maybe everyone move one
instrument to the right.

391
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,509
We had to leave because
of creative differences

392
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:17,136
Yeah, they kind of
had a specific sound

393
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,680
that didn't really
fit in with our thing

394
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:24,602
Guys, this means they're
Kevin and the Zits now

395
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,188
No, man. We are

396
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,900
Well
I know, I know

397
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,819
Okay, you're done

398
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,529
I have a new
heart, you know

399
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,448
Do you really
Tin Man? Okay

400
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,659
Where were we?

401
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,202
No, I'm not worried.

402
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,163
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam

403
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:47,583
And when she gets her body
back and her confidence back

404
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,671
yes, I will tell
her the truth.

405
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,798
That

406
00:18:54,383 --> 00:19:00,179
I had feelings for a co-worker
today that I haven't had in years

407
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,600
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch

408
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,602
fairly aggressively
at the time

409
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,646
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?

410
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,064
No

411
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,652
Yep, he's lying

412
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,612
See. Was that so hard?

413
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,989
I am not lying

414
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,031
Really?

415
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,118
Pam, are you really going to listen
to his stupid homemade test?

416
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,661
I would listen to
my homemade test

417
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,204
because your husband
is definitely lying

418
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,749
In fact, he's lied about every
question even his name.

419
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,918
Who are you, really?
Wait, what?

420
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,297
Look at the numbers. Every single
time it's come up 150 over 100

421
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,507
Your husband is
a pathological liar

422
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,259
Jim, you have
high blood pressure

423
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,136
He is definitely
attracted to her

424
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,596
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?

425
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:42,972
Yeah, but I don't smoke

426
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,432
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?

427
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,309
I don't know. It's important
to go every month

428
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,810
and get your
prostate checked

429
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:48,936
You can do it at
home by yourself

430
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,146
with your finger
You just stick

431
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,314
Okay

432
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,565
Dwight, stop

433
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:56,819
I'm not kidding. I mean, I need
you to take care of yourself

434
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,237
What would we do if
something happened to you?

435
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,782
Okay, easy. Trust me
I'm around for the long haul

436
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,869
It's not really your choice, though, is it?
Death waits for no man

437
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,245
Okay

438
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,413
Come on, let's go
I want to call your doctor

439
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,168
Doesn't it worry you in the slightest
that Jim is not his real name?

440
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,294
Just go home
it doesn't matter

441
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,545
But the

442
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,298
Hey, Cece? s toothbrush

443
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,969
Thank you

444
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,972
Ooh,
baby, I love your way

445
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,308
Every day

446
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,854
Want to be
with you night and day

447
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,273
And day

448
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,276
Ooh, baby, I love your way