1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,044
Hey, Jim Stanley's back
from the hospital today.

2
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:05,546
Can you sign his card?
Oh, great

3
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,759
"Glad they didn't mix up your
tonsillectomy with a mustachectomy."

4
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,679
That's not good

5
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:16,056
Oh, because your jokes
are all hilarious

6
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,433
It's nice.
It's funny

7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,934
It mentions his
tonsillectomy and makes

8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,436
a funny little joke
about his mustache

9
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,104
Stanley doesn't
have a mustache

10
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,441
Yeah, he does

11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,819
Pam, hit the brakes Stanley
does not have a mustache.

12
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:35,451
I think he has a mustache

13
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,536
Okay, Phyllis sits
across from him every day

14
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,954
Phyllis, does he
have a mustache or not?

15
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,623
Oh, I don't know.
Now I think he doesn't

16
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,751
Phyllis,
what are you talking

17
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,794
The whole card
depends on this

18
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,504
Okay, the man's
worked here for 25 years

19
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,298
How can none of us
picture his face?

20
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,883
Because we come
here to do our jobs

21
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,135
We don't stick our noses
in other people's business

22
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:56,388
Okay. Which one of these
looks more right?

23
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,765
Neither of those
looks like any person

24
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,391
that has ever
existed or been dreamt of

25
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,018
in the history
of human insanity

26
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,603
That said
the one on the left

27
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,732
Guys, that's the elevator
What if it's him?

28
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,984
Okay, quick,
who says "mustache"?

29
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,111
Yep

30
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,155
Who says "no mustache"?

31
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,747
Ah!

32
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,999
Hey!
He does have one

33
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,084
Yes

34
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,045
Welcome back, Stanley.

35
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,516
"Good morning, Robert, '
says no one

36
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,060
because our receptionist
is in Florida.

37
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:51,610
Pam
Oh

38
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:56,949
Is this a video conference you're having
with "Drake featuring Swizz Beatz"?

39
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,701
Um, no, I was just
having a cup of coffee

40
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,994
kind of warming up
for the day.

41
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,831
People, you should come
to work already warm

42
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,669
9:00 to 10:00 a.m. is the most productive
potential that human beings...

43
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,963
Sorry! Sorry, everyone I'm late

44
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,800
but you are all here, so no
harm done at a by my lateness

45
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,052
Nellie, really, 9:50

46
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,304
Oh, here's
what happened.

47
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:23,642
7:46, my alarm clock goes off,
I hear it, whack the snooze.

48
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:28,147
Nine minutes. Buzz,
off it goes again, whack

49
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:32,609
Seven more times I did that
Buzz, whack, buzz, whack.

50
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,612
By the time I got up,
it was 10 minutes ago

51
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,240
No will power
That is my curse

52
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,493
I've never believed will power
was very important in a woman

53
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,540
would have shown up
to work

54
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,750
nearly an hour late
for no reason.

55
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,627
Oh, I assure you
I would have done

56
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,921
I did And I'll keep doing it

57
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,300
No, no, there's something going
on some stress in your life.

58
00:02:56,759 --> 00:03:02,472
Well, yes, there is the whole
moving to Scranton nonsense

59
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:07,477
Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from
England and two trunks from Florida.

60
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,688
Then, I have to
move into my apartment

61
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,941
in this dreadful,
God knows where it is

62
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,068
backwater,
suburb of a suburb

63
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:16,737
and I mean no offense,
but are there

64
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,198
a lot of Irish people
living around here?

65
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,782
Yes
- Oh

66
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,243
No offense

67
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,536
None taken

68
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:27,289
Actually, Nellie, this monologue
you're delivering is very offensive.

69
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,959
Ooh! Ay caramba! The natives
are getting restless.

70
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,586
Who's a native?

71
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,464
Excuse me, the tone here
is getting quite hostile

72
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,549
I would appreciate it if
you would keep that stuff

73
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,134
on the basketball court

74
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,969
What does that mean?
Okay, okay

75
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,847
If you'd let me finish

76
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:48,352
Or the squash court or
the supreme court Hmm?

77
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,480
Nellie?
Yes, Robert

78
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:56,360
You're clearly under a lot
of stress with the moving

79
00:03:56,444 --> 00:04:00,155
and the work situation
you've found yourself in

80
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,281
Yeah

81
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,950
Let's help her out
shall we?

82
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,744
Go above and beyond today

83
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:09,289
to show her some of that
warm Scranton hospitality

84
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,168
Jim, Dwight, take the day

85
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,005
Help Nellie move those
boxes into her new place

86
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,507
Why Jim?
What?

87
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:22,427
The rest of you, let's throw a
party at the end of the day

88
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,430
to welcome the newest member
of our little community.

89
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,725
I'm sorry, we're throwing
a party for someone

90
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,185
because they're
being horrible?

91
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,145
I'm sorry.
We're taking work time

92
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,439
to move someone's personal
belongings into their new apartment

93
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,316
I'm still not sure why
this woman is even here!

94
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,693
Why is she here?

95
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:42,030
Two crazy kids on
the journey of life

96
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,075
Going to Pennsylvania

97
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,661
On the road with
my new girlfriend

98
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:52,124
But first, a small pit stop to break
up with my current girlfriend,

99
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:55,294
who is at her parents' cabin
in southern Pennsylvania

100
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,628
Oh, that must be nice

101
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:57,796
Mmm-hmm

102
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,550
It's a beautiful place Great
place to let her down easy.

103
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,386
Oh, no, no I meant that must
be nice to have parents.

104
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,554
Oh. Hmm

105
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,433
Time to have a little kiss

106
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,642
No

107
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,311
Mmm. Sorry, right

108
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,021
No kisses until the
breakup is official Yes

109
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,314
I believe in that
Yes, so do I

110
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,567
I think that's important. That is
important. Bummer, but important

111
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,068
Important.
Mmm-hmm

112
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,821
I can't believe he's making
us throw a party for her

113
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,407
She's always late
she's always rude

114
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,617
It kind of makes me want to
throw a really bad party.

115
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,702
Yeah

116
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,870
On purpose

117
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:31,872
Phyllis

118
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,208
We should do it right
here in the break room

119
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,626
Ooh

120
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,503
Order carrot cake

121
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,383
And Jessica
just so you know

122
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,970
this is way more about my love for
Erin than anything wrong with you

123
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:51,058
Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did
this in the best way possible

124
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:56,480
and I knew you as a lover and
I'll remember you as a gentleman.

125
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,899
Okay. That was one
minute and 10 seconds

126
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,609
Consider it nailed

127
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,737
should try it again

128
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,322
This time
worst case scenario

129
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:09,242
Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really
sorry. I just need you to know

130
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,952
What?

131
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,704
I just need
you to know

132
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,790
What? I didn't
sleep well last night

133
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,922
Ow

134
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,633
Nellie, that reminds me do you
want this chair in the bedroom?

135
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,301
'Cause I don't think it's
going to fit through the door

136
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,970
Don't listen to Jim. Have you
ever seen him play Tetris?

137
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,723
"Oh, I think I'll just
use this line horizontally

138
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,434
"Oh, I have no idea
what a gift this line is.'

139
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,602
That was one time

140
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,814
I will get the chair in. Watch the
great "Schrut-ini" work his magic

141
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,567
Oh, no, really? Magic, no,
no, no let's not go there

142
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:46,947
No, nothing is more
repellent than magicians

143
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,366
Bunch of grown men
waving wands

144
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,451
pulling bunnies
out of body crevices

145
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,745
Magicians are repulsive
Next topic

146
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:55,997
Excuse me, one second

147
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,751
Hi
- Hey, what's up?

148
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,087
Oh, nothing, just hauling
some cube with Dwight.

149
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,672
Hauling cube

150
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:04,840
That's moving boxes

151
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,883
We just came up with the
term to make it sound cooler

152
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,677
So, we're planning
this party for Nellie,

153
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,388
and we're going to
make it really bad.

154
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,514
It sounds like
every other party

155
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,766
No, we're going to
make it like a prank

156
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,853
like order bad food, give her
this passive-aggressive card

157
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,938
Oh, hire a magician

158
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,106
What?

159
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,150
Trust me
Okay.

160
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:34,327
Wow, there's a lot of cars
here This is just weird.

161
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,708
Andy. Hi, what are
you doing here?

162
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,460
Hey, Lauren
look at you.

163
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,213
I'm just on my way back
from this business trip

164
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,882
thought I'd stop
and say hi to Jessica

165
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,049
Aw

166
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,802
Why is Erin with me?
That's a great question

167
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:55,557
She is my co-worker and she needed
a ride because she totaled her car

168
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,142
Oh, God

169
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,519
So I'm Erin
Yeah, this is Erin

170
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,854
Hi. Nice to meet you

171
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,443
Well, Jess went out for a run
but she'll be back soon

172
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,527
Mmm-hmm

173
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,905
Hey, ladies,
Andy's here

174
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:14,201
Okay, Andy, that is
a bachelorette party

175
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,829
This is Jessica's friends and they've
been drinking during the daytime

176
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:18,914
Should we go?

177
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,040
Yeah

178
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,542
You know, we had such a quick
window to make this work.

179
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:23,668
I think we should
probably just

180
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:27,839
Oh, Jess look who stopped
by after his business trip

181
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,466
Andy, hey

182
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:34,971
are called
presidential-sized in England

183
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,641
a "Tweeter" account

184
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,851
Yes, you should

185
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,771
Ooh

186
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,776
I have to see
these shoes.

187
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,530
Oh

188
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,741
Who is this guy?

189
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,036
There's the two of them
taking a hike

190
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,913
I'm guessing he's
some kind of friend

191
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:01,665
Boyfriend

192
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,708
Here's the two of them
kissing at a beach

193
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,169
and kissing at
the Eiffel Tower

194
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,630
I'm guessing he's some kind
of close romantic friend

195
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,090
Like a boyfriend?

196
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,551
You read my mind.
Yeah

197
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,929
Whoa. Here's one with
his face whited out.

198
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,055
Hmm

199
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,265
Maybe someone threw
a pie in his face.

200
00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,600
New theory, he's a hated
Italian politician

201
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,269
Better theory,
this is her ex-boyfriend

202
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,853
and they went through some
kind of painful breakup

203
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,064
Oh
- Nellie

204
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,733
so sorry,
we were just

205
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:31,319
discovered Benjamin

206
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,405
That's what I call my box
full of photos of Henry

207
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,491
Why not call...
Shh

208
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:42,414
God, we owned
this flat together

209
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:45,166
Then one morning just
like that, he was gone

210
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,085
He ran off with a waitress
at our favorite restaurant.

211
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,296
That's awful

212
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:51,923
What kind of restaurant?

213
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,008
Dwight

214
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:56,511
afford the flat myself
So I sold it at a loss

215
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,264
Ah, but what's 10 years
of bliss down the drain

216
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:03,018
compared with the thrill of starting
over with nothing and no one?

217
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,354
I'm so sorry These must
be very painful memories

218
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,273
If it would
help you to forget

219
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:11,067
in the brain stem
with this candlestick

220
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,362
Thank you. No

221
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:20,785
Look, Jim, Dwight, please,
don't tell anyone about this

222
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,203
No, no, of course

223
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,710
Just one quick question
was this Halloween or

224
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,712
God, no

225
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,089
That's the most embarrassing
thing of all of this.

226
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,676
What kind of fool gets her heart
broken by a bloody stage magician?

227
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,223
You know what, Pam? I was thinking
maybe we should change course here

228
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,391
Let's give up on
all this mean stuff

229
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,645
What? No. No. I just
had this brilliant idea

230
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,854
Everyone loved it.

231
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,981
You don't have
a copyright on pranks

232
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,108
at this than you

233
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,402
No, that's not Jim, could
you give us a hand?

234
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,695
Absolutely. Yeah

235
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,864
Call it off, Pam.
Call it off, okay?

236
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,115
It's way more complicated
than you think.

237
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,784
Cancel the magician.
Trust me.

238
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,828
Oh, okay.
Okay, I will

239
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:07,707
That's a great idea

240
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,292
Yeah. Okay

241
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,585
Pam, we have a great idea.
- Listen to this

242
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,587
We're going to have the
fluorescent lights flickering.

243
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,963
It's going to
make everyone sick

244
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,216
Or what if
Okay.

245
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:22,263
...we discuss the idea of doing
the party totally normal

246
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,599
Like, not mean

247
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,768
Just a regular party

248
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,895
Not mean

249
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,648
I knew she'd crack I wanted
to leave you out, you know.

250
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,401
We're in far too deep We can't
change course at this point

251
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,945
What are you talking about?
Of course we can

252
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,154
What I mean to say is
we don't want to.

253
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,865
Toots, we're not stopping this
train, so get off the tracks

254
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,535
Suck it

255
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,538
Andy

256
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,375
It'll be fine. Just act natural.
Do you want a gummy penis?

257
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,794
No. I'll just have
some gummy bears

258
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,045
These are delicious

259
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,380
But they're penises

260
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,841
And we come to Matthew

261
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,592
the guy who was
with his old girlfriend

262
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,553
basically the whole time
we were together

263
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,012
Oh, no

264
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,475
Eww! That seems gross
at first blush, right?

265
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,979
But relationships are always
more complicated than you think.

266
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,857
Know Matthew's history
with this other woman

267
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,944
Maybe she saved his life
I don't know

268
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,864
rush to judgment
about Matthew

269
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,157
Maybe we don't
pop that one.

270
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,075
No. Pop it
Pop it

271
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,201
Pop it

272
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:29,038
Hey
Hey

273
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,623
Sorry It's kind of a mad house

274
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,377
Oh, Megan

275
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,255
You are one of the good
ones, Nard Dog. Aw

276
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,174
No, really.
Where's my Andy?

277
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,384
He's out there

278
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,428
Are you going to
sing for us?

279
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,973
Well, you guys are doing a pretty
good job with the scary yelling, so

280
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:51,102
That's not like you That's not
like you Come on, sing! Sing

281
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:57,358
By yon bonnie banks
and by yon bonnie braes

282
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,986
Okay, they're almost here
What?

283
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,364
Come on! If you guys
are going to be mean

284
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,741
can't you at least
be subtle?

285
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,578
Oh, in the warehouse
we'd use code names

286
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,246
for people we
wanted to talk about

287
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,041
Andy was "Jelly Roll.' Mike
was "Dennis the Menace.<'

288
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:14,667
Ryan was "Douche Bag.'

289
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,754
Hey, that's not a code name
That's just an insult

290
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,631
Plus, everyone would
know who you meant Yeah.

291
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,300
No, that's a great idea.
Yes, let's have a code name

292
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:26,095
How about "Mondays"? I hate Mondays.
Mondays are the worst

293
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,180
Nobody's named Monday

294
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:30,433
Hey, how about we go with "Pam"?
Simple, easy to remember

295
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,144
Because there's someone
already here named Pam

296
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,229
Shh. Here she comes

297
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,313
Hey

298
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,232
Welcome to your party

299
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:41,319
Everybody, get comry now This first
song's over a half-hour long.

300
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:50,995
Best gig ever. They asked
me to play only originals

301
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,832
I said, "Have you heard my originals?
They're terrible."

302
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:59,087
They said, "Even better." I said, "I get
it. It's an ironic party for Nellie.'

303
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,256
Maybe we should just go

304
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,715
No, I got to do this

305
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,219
Hey, Jessica
can I talk to you?

306
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,971
Uh, yeah, sure
what's up?

307
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,556
Maybe we could
talk in private

308
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,474
Yeah, what is it?

309
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,227
Well, first,
let me just say that

310
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:17,897
done with the
sort of ugly bits

311
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,774
that we can
stay friends

312
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,025
You're breaking up
with me?

313
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,527
Uh

314
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,279
No. No

315
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,866
You always do this.
You twist my words around

316
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,951
Part of me thinks we should
just end this right now

317
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,372
Oh, my God Are you
leaving me for Erin?

318
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:37,375
You said she wasn't relationship
material, and she wasn't as good as me

319
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:38,710
But it's her, isn't it?

320
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:39,794
Whoa

321
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:44,173
That... No
Okay, you want honesty?

322
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,927
Super honesty time
I'm gay.

323
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,554
What?

324
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,476
You did not, Kenny

325
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,270
You invited me to
go shopping with you

326
00:14:57,354 --> 00:15:01,649
I like hanging out with you
You're a cool guy.

327
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,776
Which proves my point
that I'm gay.

328
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,987
JESSICA
Andy, you're not gay

329
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:11,284
and you seemed
pretty excitable.

330
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:15,496
Well, I was faking it.
I had to fake it every time

331
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,666
with John Stamos

332
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,837
doesn't make sense

333
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,382
Well, I mean I was
good at hiding it...

334
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,301
It's fine, Andy

335
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,596
we were going to get
married or anything.

336
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,807
I'm just upset for now

337
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:40,188
Understandable, and I'm
really sorry I really am.

338
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:47,779
So, we should probably go

339
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:59,123
This humble
but sincere effort is

340
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,043
all for our valued new colleague.
Excellent.

341
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,380
To Nellie Bertram,
you are a most welcome

342
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,382
and friendly presence
at our company

343
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,217
Cheers
Why, thank you.

344
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:13,346
Pam, on the other hand
is a most unwelcome

345
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:17,058
entitled and unfriendly
presence in our company

346
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,559
Cheers

347
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:24,023
Nellie is terrific
but to be honest

348
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,318
every day, I imagine how happy I'd be
if Pam died.

349
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:35,159
Oh, well, I feel that as
someone who knows Pam

350
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:40,123
only a little bit enough, a good
amount not the most, though,

351
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,125
she is misunderstood

352
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,128
and that maybe there's
some stuff in her past

353
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,963
that you guys
don't know about

354
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,506
that's a little
messed up and probably

355
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,216
makes her such a
torture to work with.

356
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:56,055
ALL We hate Pam! We hate Pam We hate Pam!
We hate Pam

357
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,640
So we've established

358
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,683
No

359
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,768
...that you guys hate Pam

360
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,939
Do you ever wish she
would just disappear?

361
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,607
Oh

362
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:11,738
That was a really
rough scene

363
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,614
Right? Rough scene
Yeah.

364
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,994
At least we can kiss now

365
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:19,454
Oh, yeah

366
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,754
You know, that stuff that I said
about you to her, that's just...

367
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,299
You know, I was dating
her at the time.

368
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,425
Yeah

369
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,927
Yes, of course

370
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,096
Ugh

371
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,348
Yeah

372
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,475
Probably from
seeing that turkey

373
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,559
Oh, yeah

374
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:45,480
When we drove by the farm
Always does that.

375
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,031
Are you Nellie? I think
you're my volunteer.

376
00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:56,240
Come on
over here, huh?

377
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,952
No, I'll do it. I will volunteer

378
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,788
No, Nellie should
No, I'll do it.

379
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:08,252
Oh, big guy, huh? How's the air up there?
Watch out for birds

380
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,424
All right, let's
do some card magic

381
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,593
Now, what I want
you to do is,

382
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:18,304
I want you to pick a card
just by looking at it.

383
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,848
Do not say what it is

384
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:24,685
It's the four of hearts

385
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,562
Oh, no, it's

386
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:30,108
Looks like we got a guy from
another country here, huh?

387
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,444
No hablo el cardo, senor?

388
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:38,908
All right, the card is picked Now,
sir, will you please shuffle the deck?

389
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,875
You didn't just do that
on purpose, did you?

390
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,920
Why is Jim treating
the magician poorly?

391
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,756
Little known fact about me
before I was a magician

392
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,801
at a rope factory

393
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,053
Not true because
that's not a real place

394
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,974
But I never could seem to
figure out those knots

395
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,976
That's not a real knot When you
pull on it, it disappears.

396
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,060
What the hell?

397
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,605
All right Where's Phyllis?
Who's Phyllis?

398
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:15,820
Look, this is really uncool, okay?
I put on a clean show here

399
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,905
Okay, scram, wizard
What?

400
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,073
You heard me

401
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,909
Wow. Nellie I'm sorry.
If I'd known

402
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,662
Jim and Pam
would use this party

403
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,873
as an excuse to
abuse a magician

404
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,584
Well, I thought
it was quite fun

405
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,962
In fact, I think they're brilliant
employees in their own way.

406
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,339
Don't you see
what I see?

407
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,718
Interesting, yes.
No, yes, I see that

408
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,139
Great work, team
Great party

409
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,017
You think this
is a great party?

410
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:50,563
This cake has vegetables in
it like a salad bar, Robert

411
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,232
How do I get this
taste out of my mouth?

412
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,779
What? Why are we

413
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,323
one thing.

414
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:07,997
Oh, hello

415
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,208
Hey, everybody
look who's here

416
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,334
What are you doing here?

417
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:15,713
Hi. Super duper honesty
time, I'm not gay

418
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,883
In fact I'm so not gay that
I'm in love with a girl

419
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,094
Her name is Erin Hannon
and she is right there.

420
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,056
She's sweet,
funny and beautiful

421
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:26,891
and total
relationship material

422
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,518
Why the hell did
you come back here?

423
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:30,937
Go away

424
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,021
Get lost

425
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,397
Get out
Okay.

426
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,024
You're done! Get out
Bye, guys. Go. Go.

427
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,150
You ruined my party

428
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,570
Who does that?
Are you kidding me?

429
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,113
Yeah, run away
Run away

430
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,406
KENNY
You're disgusting

431
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,367
I can't believe
you're not gay

432
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:46,786
Yeah,
get out of here

433
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:47,954
Don't come back

434
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:51,916
Uh-oh.

435
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:53,709
You don't even
know how to drive

436
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,254
Loser! Nice car

437
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:04,804
Hey, Hank
Yes, ma'am.

438
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:08,849
I thought I was very specific about
you not letting up a magician

439
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:10,977
Yes, ma'am
I got my eyes open

440
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,354
Well, turns out he
actually made it up there.

441
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,189
What? That ain't right

442
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:16,732
Yeah, he came and went

443
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:22,029
Wait a minute, you said
it was a magician, right?

444
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:25,741
You don't think he could have used...
It couldn't have been

445
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:28,536
Let's just go

446
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,704
Good night, Hank